Another Holiday--With Rest and Relaxation, I Hope

At Mom and Dad's again, for Christmas.  This year, I'm not staying until the New Year, as I did when I came last Christmas.  But it might be tempting to stay longer:  Today's weather--and ocean temperature--were reminiscent of summer at the Jersey shore.  It's not that I love warm weather in winter, or  hate the cold:  Staying may just give me some more time bike riding, or outdoors generally.  The only thing is that the bike I'll ride isn't my own, and, save for Mom and Dad, nothing else about this place is mine.

I wonder, too, whether this stay will lower my blood pressure.  It's been high enough that my doctor recommended medication, which I hate.  He said my condition might be the result of various stresses in my life.  I answered some  work-related e-mails just before I started writing; maybe I should put any new ones on "hold" until the New Year.  I mean, there's not much I can do about work-related stuff right now, anyway.

Plus, another situation I mentioned in an earlier post couldn't have been helping matters.  If he's so affected my health, that's reason enough not to have him in my life.  My new life wasn't supposed to be so dominated by his abuse and harassment.

Enough about him.  I hope the rest of you have a restful and fulfilling (Are they contradictory?) holiday!

Looking At My Vagina Again

Early this evening, I got home from a bike ride I took to Point Lookout, via Rockaway Beach.  After feeding my cats and myself, I dilated.  


Nearly two years have passed since my surgery.  So I suppose I was expecting, to the extent that I was thinking about it, that my vagina to change in some way. I just wasn't sure of how it would.  


Maybe my memory of what my vagina looked like in the days and weeks immediately after my surgery has been distorted.  But I seem to recall it as more linear and vertical:  the folds surrounding the cavity seemed to cascade in layers of rosy-colored lines.  


So, perhaps it is only against that memory that my vagina seems to be taking on a more ovular shape, with the folds around it rippling and curving in arcs from it.  For all I know, the shape was more like that from the beginning and I just didn't notice or have any way of comparing it.  


Whether or not that has actually happened, I feel as if that part of my body has taken on the feminine shape I've always wanted.  It looks more and more like other vaginas I've seen.  No, I'm not going to say exactly how many I've seen, or how I came to see them. After all, this is, ahem, an educational blog!


I don't know whether or how my vagina will change again.  I suppose that it will, if for no other reason than I will.  It seems like the surgery, like taking hormones and everything else that came before it, was "just the beginning," as they say.

Charlie's Pillow

The weather has been autumnal for the past few days:  cool and breezy.  Today some rain was added to the mix.  


I suppose that if I were another sort of creature, I'd be thinking about hibernating.  Actually, I did that, more or less, this afternoon:  I took a nap when I didn't have much incentive to go out.


Charlie and Max appreciated the time I spent at home today.  They took turns curling up on me.  Charlie especially seemed to be enjoying my time at home:  He fell asleep on me.  And he propped his head on my right breast.


Now, my assets aren't going to rival  Pamela Anderson's, nor do I want them to.  But I think they've grown, if just a bit, since my surgery.  When I started taking hormones, the doctor said my breasts would grow for about a year or two until they were about a size smaller than my mother's.  That's what happened.  Nobody said anything about breast growth after surgery.  And, while they don't look bigger, somehow they do feel as if they've grown.  Or, more precisely, they seem more supple, which may be the reason why they seem a little bigger. 

Maybe that's what Charlie noticed.  He used to curl up on my torso and prop his head on my shoulder.  But the last few times he's curled up on me, he's used my breast--the right one--for a pillow.


I guess I should be happy that he's not using my belly for a pillow, though he could.   Still, it's odd to know that I have enough on my chest for him to lay his head --and close his eyes.    Somehow it's even stranger than--although as exhilarating as-- the first sensation I felt in my new clitoris and vagina.  I guess I was expecting to feel twinges, pulses and tingling in my new sexual organs, but I wasn't expecting my breasts to serve as a headrest.


Will there be more surprises?  I suppose that question answers itself:  If you have to ask about what will happen, it is by definition unexpected, and therefore a surprise.   At least these surprises are interesting, and even pleasant.