New Growth?

I've gained some weight over the past few months.  Hopefully, as I ride my bike more and stick to some semblance of a diet, I'll lose it.


However, I found another reason why some of my tops are tighter than they had been.  I own only a couple of clingy tops; the rest are either tailored but not form-fitting, or relaxed.  At least, that is what they were when I bought them.


Even though some of those blouses, T-shirts and shells aren't tight around the tummy, they're tight around my chest.  I also notice that the oldest bras I have are tight on me.


My tape measure confirmed something I'd suspected when I saw myself in the mirror:  My breasts have grown--by about an inch and a half--since my surgery.  I'm going to have a measurement taken, just to be sure.  But it's actually visible when I'm dressing or undressing.  


That might be the reason why a couple of people asked me--without sarcasm--whether I'd lost some weight. If my breasts are bigger, I guess that would make my tummy look smaller--though not small!


If my breasts have indeed grown, I would guess that a reason might be that the estrogen I take now more effective on me.  Before the surgery, I had to take an anti-androgen in addition to estrogen.  If you've ever taken a medication for one condition while your body was dealing with another, you may have noticed that the medication wasn't as effective (at least in the ways you and your doctor wanted it to be) as it could have been had your body not been dealing with that second condition.  I think that something similar happened when I was taking estrogen while I was also taking an anti-androgen:  My body was working to suppress the testosterone I had been producing, and that probably made the estrogen (which is a weaker hormone than testosterone) less effective than it would have been otherwise.  But now my body is not producing testosterone; hence, I don't have to take anything to suppress it.  


I wonder whether other post-op women have experienced similar or parallel changes after their surgeries.  

Another Holiday--With Rest and Relaxation, I Hope

At Mom and Dad's again, for Christmas.  This year, I'm not staying until the New Year, as I did when I came last Christmas.  But it might be tempting to stay longer:  Today's weather--and ocean temperature--were reminiscent of summer at the Jersey shore.  It's not that I love warm weather in winter, or  hate the cold:  Staying may just give me some more time bike riding, or outdoors generally.  The only thing is that the bike I'll ride isn't my own, and, save for Mom and Dad, nothing else about this place is mine.

I wonder, too, whether this stay will lower my blood pressure.  It's been high enough that my doctor recommended medication, which I hate.  He said my condition might be the result of various stresses in my life.  I answered some  work-related e-mails just before I started writing; maybe I should put any new ones on "hold" until the New Year.  I mean, there's not much I can do about work-related stuff right now, anyway.

Plus, another situation I mentioned in an earlier post couldn't have been helping matters.  If he's so affected my health, that's reason enough not to have him in my life.  My new life wasn't supposed to be so dominated by his abuse and harassment.

Enough about him.  I hope the rest of you have a restful and fulfilling (Are they contradictory?) holiday!

Post-Post Op; After An Ex

I suppose it was inevitable that I would stop the practice of posting daily (or nearly daily) I developed during the weeks and months leading up to, and immediately following, my transition. 


But I don't think I ever envisioned going weeks without posting.  Now that I think about it, I never could have predicted the state of mind in which I now find myself.  That is not to say I'm unhappy about it, for it is, I believe, a sign that my life has gone in a direction I'd hoped it would take.


Although once in a while I mention to someone or another that I'm transsexual, and I often encounter people who witnessed parts of my transition or read about it on this blog, I don't think of myself as post-operational anymore.  In fact, I hardly think about the surgery.  I haven't made any effort to forget about it, or my transition--or, for that matter, my life that preceded it.  Rather, I just see them fading into the background, and myself moving onward.  I am a woman living mainly among women, although I am different in many ways--especially in some of my past experiences--from those women.  Although my face and body have feminized to some degree, I look different from them, if for no other reasons than I'm taller and bigger.  


And, although I have become more friendly with the prof I mentioned in a previous post, I don't feel it's entirely a result of my experience as a transwoman.  Yes, I can empathise with her as her body is changing along with some of the ways she deals with her past.  I have great admiration for her partner, who is not only standing by her, but helping her in various ways, through her transition.  Nevertheless, I find myself becoming friendlier with this prof mainly because I am drawn to her intelligence, integrity and generosity of spirit.  And, of course, we can talk about the college and various experiences we've had in it.  Oddly enough, that makes me even less conscious of my trans background.


I also have another reason why I haven't been posting much:  Someone with whom I'd had a relationship is now stalking me electronically.  This person has managed to find out work-related and other information that was supposed to be confidential, and has tracked down the identity of the prof I mentioned.  This ex has threatened to make false accusations against that prof, as he made against me.  I'm talking about the sort of stuff that gets people run out of jobs and homes, and subjects them to violence, whether or not the accusations are in any way factual. 


To that ex, I say, I know you're reading this, and you know that I'm talking about you, and if you don't leave me and that prof alone, I'll reveal your identity on this blog.