Be A Man--And Lose Your Job

I realize that when I'm not talking about my own experience on this blog, I'm as likely as not to be talking about male-to-female transgenders and transsexuals and their experiences.  That's natural, I guess, though I am trying to give some time and space to female-to-male trans people as well as others on the gender identity and sexual orientation spectra.

After all, FTMs experience many of the same things we, as MTFs, live with and through.  There is, of course, the joy of being ourselves.  But there is also the risk of incurring prejudice that can lead to anything from losing one's friends to losing one's life.

Tristan Broussard now understands this all too well.  Two years ago, he was working in the Lake Charles, Louisiana of Flowood, Missisippi-based First Tower Loan LLC.  That is, until a company executive found out that on his driver's license, he was listed as female.  That executive then demanded that Broussard sign a document promising that he would dress as a woman on the job and when out of town on business, he would stay in rooms with other female employees.

That document included a statement that his "preference (italics mine) to act and dress as male, despite having been born a female, is not something that will be in compliance with Tower Loan's personnel policies".  

Broussard would not sign the statement.  That refusal cost him his job.

Yesterday, with the support of the Southern Poverty Law Center (a great organization!), he filed suit against the company.  The National Center for Lesbian Rights is also backing him.

The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission had previously reviewed his case and on 2 December 2014 ruled that discrimination had indeed occurred.  However, the EEOC decided not to pursue a case against Tower Loan.

Dating A Trans Man

I know I shouldn't generalize, but here goes:  The trans men (a.k.a. female to males or FTMs) are all really nice, interesting, smart people.  Some of them are really cute, too.

Perhaps one day I'll date one.  In case that happens, I'll be prepared, thanks to this comic I found:

From DeviantArt

I Am Luckier Than Nathan Verhelst

I have lost relationships with relatives, people who I thought were friends and former colleagues because of my gender transition.  I have also lost a job and had to move out of an apartment because Dominick used the prejudices and other notions some people have about transgender people to spread false rumors and otherwise slander me.  (He was also abusive in other ways.)  

Still, I consider myself very, very lucky.  Certainly I am more fortunate than Nathan Verhelst.

He began hormone replacement therapy in 2009 and subsequently underwent a mastectomy and phalloplasty.  However, he said "My new breasts did not match my expectations and my new penis had symptoms of rejection."  When he looked in the mirror after his operations, he was "filled with self-loathing."  

"I do not want to be...a monster", he said.

Perhaps no amount of hormones, surgery or anything else could have alleviated his self-loathing.  "I was the girl nobody wanted," he related.  "While my brothers were celebrated, I got a room above the garage as a bedroom. " 

Perhaps even more damaging to his self-esteem were his mother's words:  "If only you had been a boy." He was "tolerated and nothing more", he said.

Earlier this week, with the permission of his native Belgium's government, he ended his life via lethal injection.  The doctors attending him said he "passed peacefully".   

How did his mother respond?  "Her death does not bother me," she declared.  She summed up her relationship with her child thusly:  "When I saw 'Nancy' for the first time, my dream was shattered.  She was so ugly.  I had a phantom birth."

There have been times when my mother was, understandably, exasperated with me. But she never would have said anything so awful to or about me or my brothers.  In fact, for much of my life, she has been among the few people with whom I could talk honestly about how I felt about anything.  And she has been about as supportive as anyone could have been in my transition and my new life.

Nathan Verhelst was a much better-looking man than I am a woman, or I was as a man.  I don't know much else about him, but I am certain than I am far more fortunate than he ever was.

When The Paperwork Is Done

Variations of this cartoon hung in many an office during the 1970's.  However, they all had the same message: No job is finished until the paperwork is done.

Who knew how pertinent that pearl of wisdom would be for transgender people today?  And, at this moment, how many people can better understand its verisimilitude than Calliope Wong can?

She has just been rejected by Smith College.  That happens to lots of applicants, as Smith is one of the most selective all-female colleges in the United States.  

But it wasn't Ms. Wong's grades or SAT scores, or a lack of extracurricular activities or letters of recommendation that doomed her application.  Rather, it had to do with her Financial Aid forms.

Now, it's been rumored that some schools will take an applicant that doesn't request financial aid over one who does but has similar credentials.  However, I am willing to believe Smith officials when they say that it isn't her family's lack of wealth that's keeping her out of their school.

Instead, it has to do with some information her parents provided on that form.  You see, they checked off the "M" box because it's the one marked on her birth certificate and Social Security records.  Although Calliope has been living as female for two years and has identified herself as one for as long as she can remember, her official records do not yet indicate that.  

So, Smith returned her application materials without an official admissions review.  College officials said she is free to re-apply.

To its credit, Smith was one of the first colleges to openly support lesbian students, and it allows students to remain in the college if they transition from female to male.  However, with such policies, "Smith seems to be saying that they welcome trans men, but not trans women", according to Mara Keisling.  "At first blush, it appears to be counter to Smith's anti-discrimination policy," added Ms. Keisling, who is the executive director of the National Center for Transgender Equality.  

While I support Smith's willingness to allow female-to-male transitions, I agree with Keisling that it's strange that the same school wouldn't allow transitions in the other direction.  Perhaps Smith could use letters from doctors and therapists certifying that the applicant has made some significant step, such as taking hormones or living full-time as female, toward her gender transition.  Or, if the college wants candidates who are "officially" female, it should specify which documents have to indicate that gender in order for an applicant to be considered.

Ms. Wong says she plans to commence her studies elsewhere.  I get the feeling that Smith will be poorer for it.

Keelin Godsey: Competing As A Woman, Living As A Man?

Keelin Godsey wants to make the US Olympic team in the hammer throw, and compete in the Olympics in London this summer.

Normally, that would not seem like such a remarkable story.  However, Keelin is trying out for the women's team.  But wait:  It's not what you think.  Keelin was born female, and named Kelly, at birth.  He has been living as male but does not plan to take testosteone, or undergo any of the other medical aspects of his transition, until some time after the Olympics.

His dilemma is the exact opposite of what we're used to hearing:  a male-to-female who wants to compete as a woman.  Also, the MTF athletes of whom I'm aware didn't begin competing as females until their surgeries were complete.

So, in essence, Keelin is competing as a female, and once he stops doing that, he is going to live the rest of his life as male.  

There doesn't seem to be quite as much of a fuss over Keelin as there has been over the MTFs I've mentioned.  That may be, in part, because he is not considered a favorite to make the team.  But I think that, even discounting that, his situation isn't deemed as controversial as the MTFs who want to compete as female.  One reason is that because, as a female-to-male who has not begun to take testosterone, he is not perceived as having an advantage over other female contestants.  That perception is probably accurate:  If Keelin has any advantages, they would have to be in superior training or native ability.  


On the other hand, some female athletes--as well as many fans--believe that male-to-female athletes shouldn't be allowed to compete as females, even after they've had SRS/GRS.  Of course, some hold such a belief because of their general perceptions about gender.  However, many more believe, somewhat erroneously, that a MTF athlete has physical advantages over those who were identified as female at birth.  


It is true that on average, males are taller and heavier than females.  While I was average on both counts as a male, I am probably around the 80th percentile in both categories (although I mate be in a somewhat higher percentile in the, ahem, weight category!)for women my age.  But my transition had one very typical effect on me:  I continuously lost strength, muscle mass and physical endurance from the time I started taking estrogen and anti-androgens.  And I know that even if I were to ride and train as much as I did in my hyper-male days, I would not be as strong or fast, or have as much endurance, as I did in those days.


There is medical and other literature to corroborate what I've just said.  The changes I have described happen with remarkable consistency.  So, one doesn't need semantics or any other fancy rhetorical footwork to argue that MTFs have little, if any, advantage over most females in most sports.  Conversely, because the changes FTMs experience are even more dramatic and consistent, it's easy to see that because Keelin hasn't begun to take testosterone, he has no advantage over the other female contestants.


Personally, I hope Keelin makes the time.  His mother says it's been a lifelong ambition of his.  I'm guessing that he has wanted to live as male, if not all of his life, then for a long time.  Lots of people don't even get to live out one dream; I will be happy to see him live out both.

Zeke Swim Teaches His Doctors

I have to say that I've been rather fortunate in my experiences with health-care providers.  I have a doctor and gynecologist treat other transgender patients in addition to me, and other providers I see regularly, such as my opthamologist and dentist, are well aware of my history and have treated me well.  Also, my recent work with a physical therapist was a positive experience.

In addition to all of that, my surgery was done by the surgeon I believe to have been the best available, both in terms of her surgical skills and the ways she could understand how I felt.

Not all trans people are so fortunate.  For one thing, not all trans people who want the surgery can get it, mainly because of the cost and, for some, medical issues.  What is probably even worse, though, is that some trans people can't find doctors or other providers who are even familiar with the sorts of needs they have, let alone able to put themselves in the shoes of their transgender patients.  In fact, some even face open hostility and ridicule from providers, as I did from two nurses at the New York Eye and Ear Infirmary during the early days of my life as Justine.

As difficult as it has been for many male-to-female transsexuals to find competent and respectful care, I think the situation may be worse for females-to-males.  I was reminded of this sad reality when I read this account of University of Iowa student Zeke Swim's experiences, and his reflections on it.

Although some would argue that the transition is easier (though still not easy) for FTMs, I think that getting the proper medical care is more difficult because even fewer providers have knowledge about, and experience with, them than they do about and with MTFs.  Plus, the technological state of surgeries and other procedures is not nearly as advanced for FTMs as it is for MTFs.  

I am glad that Swim is advocating for better care.  It seems that he is experiencing what I've experienced:  Most providers actually want to help.  I am fortunate in that I found professionals who had experience with transgender issues, or were at least willing to learn about them--whether from me or their own research.  

What I really like about Swim's approach is that he is more interested in seeing individual doctors do what they can to make a transgender patient more comfortable than in talking about sweeping changes in the policies of hospitals or other health-related institutions.  I have always believed that change starts with individuals; from there, changes can be made to institutions or, if necessary, new institutions can be created.

What I hope is that Swim--who's less than half my age--will live in a time when a transgender patient doesn't have to be lucky or unusually diligent or wealthy to get the care he or she needs.  I know that in many ways, my transition was easier (though not easy) than it was for most who did it before me; it's certainly easier than it would have been if I'd done it when I was Swim's age.  I believe that Swim and others (myself included) are working to see an age where he doesn't have to explain his condition to doctors and nurses.  As the saying goes, may he live in interesting times.  Interesting and good.

It Gets Better For Them, Too

By now, you've probably seen the ads, Public Service Announcements and videos that try to reassure LGBT youth that "It Gets Better."  Columnist Dan Savage started the project; since then, a number of celebrities, including President Obama, have made videos bringing that message to You Tube viewers.

So far, we've seen adults giving that message of hope to young people.  And, young people have offered it to their peers and those slightly younger than themselves.

However, children and teenagers who are, or believe themselves to be, on the LGBT spectrum aren't the only ones who need to hear such a message. Sabine Bartlett knows that very well.

She was taunted and bullied--but not for being part of the "rainbow" herself.  Rather, kids harassed her--to the point that she's now home-schooled--because her mother, who is divorced from her father, transitioned into manhood.

Her mother began that process when Sabine was 13.  Now, three years later, she says, "It's hard to face the fact that someone who is close to you changes at all--especially a change that big."  She "felt a sense of loss," she recalls, until a year later, when she saw that her mother was "a much happier person."

This sixteen-year-old has some great wisdom to share with any of her peers who might be in a position like hers:  "It usually gets easier after a while and, despite the changes, your parent will always be the same person.  Only, maybe a bit happier."

Kaeden Kass: Denied For A Job, His Identity Denied

Kaeden Kass was not allowed to serve as resident assistant of a male dorm at Miami University of Ohio.

Normally, that wouldn't be noteworthy:  Every year, thousands of college students apply for such a position at colleges all over America.  Most aren't selected.  At most colleges, RA's receive free housing along with a stipend, a reduction in tuition or free meals.  That's often better, financially, than working a job while in school.  For such perks, RAs usually serve as para-counselors, answer residents' questions and enforce residence policies.  Sometimes they're referred to as the "Mayors" of the residences; more than anything, they are familiar (and, one assumes, friendly) faces for student residents, most of whom are living away from their families for the first time.

However, you probably noticed that I mentioned Kass was rejected for the position of RA in a male dorm.  You see, Kass looks and acts the part of a college guy, but according to his birth certificate, he was born female.

School officials say they offered him a like position in a female dorm. However, he feels that taking such a position, or living in the college's new gender-neutral dorm, would "erase" his identity.  That is unacceptable, he says, because, "I have to fight for my identity every day, and it's just exhausting and frustrating, and it hinders my mental health every day."

I understand how he feels.  Early in my transition, I had to assert my identity in various ways, to building security personnel, prospective employers and even salespeople who wanted to sell me men's products.  I had to argue with a security guard who admitted me into a building but later confronted me about using the women's room, just as I was about to take the GRE.  And, I am sad to say, there are people who were once in my life who aren't, and in the little bit of contact I've had with them, they still address me by my old name and refer to me with male pronouns.  So, I am also sad to say that none some of the hateful and ignorant comments that appear after the linked news story came as no surprise to me.

I have never met Kass, but somehow I think he'd be a good residence counselor.  Perhaps I am prejudiced:  After all, the psychiatric social worker who helped as I was preparing for, and in the early days of, my transition is a trans man.  He's one of the best listeners I've ever encountered. 

Becoming Chaz

Tomorrow night, Becoming Chaz will air on OWN.  I probably won't see it, as I don't have cable TV and, in any event, don't watch much TV.  


Even if I had cable or dropped in on a friend who has it, I'm not sure I'd want to watch Becoming Chaz, anyway.  To tell you the truth, I haven't been terribly interested in the story.  


Had he not been born to such famous parents, he would not be any different from other transgender people who have undergone gender transitions.  And, had he not been on screen, in front of millions of people, on his parents' show--back when he was a girl, named Chastity, in frilly dresses and Mary Janes--we probably never would have heard of him.


That is not to say, of course, that I don't care about what happens to Chaz.  Because I understand, at least more than most other people can, what he is experiencing and has experienced, I wish only the best for him.  And I do understand how he feels when he talks about some of the difficulties he's had with people, including some of the ones who were closest to him.


And I can even understand why his mother--Cher, a gay icon--has difficulty with her transition.  My mother has been as about as supportive as anyone can be, or can be expected to be, in my transition and new life.  Yet I know that it has not been easy for her.  After all, she has known me longer than anyone else in this world--and she knew me as Nick, her son, for longer than anyone else ever had, or ever will.  


Plus, she realizes that some relatives of ours, most of whom are long gone, would not have been happy, to say the least, over what I've done.  At least they, as we knew them, would not have been happy.   However, people do change.  Some do, anyway.  Would they have changed?  No one can say for sure, but I know that at least a couple probably wouldn't have.  Then again, the people who change aren't always the ones we expect.   I'm sure Chaz has noticed that by now.


So, while very little about the show would be news to me, Becoming Chaz might be useful and enlightening for other people.  And, I suppose, seeing such a famous person--even if he is indeed famous mainly because of his parents--having undergone a gender transition will probably cause some people to pay more attention to what we say about ourselves, and to perhaps revise their thinking about who and what we are.  So, in that sense, Becoming Chaz is probably a good thing.

Where Is Kye Allums?

It occurs to me just now that I haven't heard anything about Kye Allums in a while.  


Perhaps you haven't heard anything about him, either.  That's not surprising, because his story got play, but not prominence in the media back in November.

He made history then by becoming the first openly transgender player to suit up for a men's NCAA basketball team, namely that of George Washington University.  


While there were some controversies, they paled in comparison to those generated by Lana Lawless.  I guess that makes a certain amount of sense because nobody expects someone who's natally female to dominate a men's game in the same way they think someone with XY chromosomes will have unfair advantages in women's competitions.


To their credit, his teammates have treated his openness about his gender identity as a non-issue.  However, some people--including Allums' mother--- are accusing the GWU administration of discrimination because he's not being allowed to play in spite of being cleared by a team doctor. 


If and when he comes back, it will be very interesting to see how he fares.  Before his injuries, his scoring average and other statistics were typical of other players in his position.  


But now the university wants not only to keep him from playing, but also from talking openly about his identity and experience.  He has said that one of the reasons why he "came out" publicly is that he wants to help educate people about transgenders and what we're capable of.

St. Vincent's Hospital: What Will They Do Now?

Last night I was really, really tired.  I am now, too.  But at least I don't have an early morning class tomorrow, as I did today.


So what did I do yesterday?  I rode to work, then to Chelsea (right across the street from the Fashion Institute of Technology, to be exact) for a meeting with SAGE and representatives from a few other organizations that provide services to transgendered people.  Those reps numbered about a dozen; I was meeting five of them for the first time.  The others included a couple of people I hadn't seen in some time and who didn't know I'd had my surgery.


Dwayne, the very first person to whom I came out, was also there.  So was James, who participated in the workshop I did last month but whom I hadn't seen for at least three or four years before that.  In fact, the last time I saw him before the workshop, he was a she--a "butch," to be precise--who was assigned the name "Jane" along with the "F" on his birth certificate.  Some--including James himself--might argue that he hasn't changed that much.  From what I saw, I'd agree, and mean it as a compliment.  He's still smart and sensitive--and tough yet vulnerable.  He even looks more or less as he did before:  as one of those men in late middle age or early in his "golden years" who's handsome, not in a pretty-boy sort of way, but in the way of someone whose face and eyes are entirely his own and as unique as the way he sees through those eyes.


I wonder how he sees me through those eyes.  In some ways. we're opposites.   First, and most obvious, is that he's FTM while I'm MTF.  Also, while he was living as a "butch," I was living, for all intents and purposes, as a straight man, even though I was, as some might say, a "switch hitter."  


We had supper in a Mexican restaurant in the  Village.  Afterward, I walked with him back to his apartment on the far western part of Chelsea.  Along the way, we passed St. Vincent's Hospital, which is in the process of closing.  Tomorrow ambulances will no longer bring any but psychiatric patients to the emergency room; all of the inpatient services will end in the middle of the month.  


Three ambulances were waiting in front of the hospital.  Their drivers looked shell-shocked.  They didn't look like they were new to the job:  I'm sure they've seen some terrible things.  The same is probably true for the two nurses we saw propped on the edge of the building.  They were on a break of some sort, but they--understandably--didn't look relaxed.  I leaned toward the more petite of the two and said, "I'm really sorry for what's happening to you guys."


"Thank you."  A tear dripped down her gaunt cheek.


"It's nice to know people like you care," said the other.


"Yes," James replied.  "You've been there for us."


The more petite nurse, who looked to be about my age, recognized James.  "You were here not too long ago."  James nodded.


"Where are you going to go after this?" the other, who had darker hair, wondered.


"Where are a lot of people going to go?" James sighed.


I would bet that at least half of the people in that meeting James and I attended had used, at some time or another, St.Vincent's.  Dwayne said it was the "go to" hospital when he was coming out as a teenager during the early '60's.  "You went out, you knew you were going to get beat up," he told me once.  "And you knew you were going to end up in St. Vincent's."


Most other hospitals wouldn't have treated Dwayne, James or any number of other people.  They were too poor or queer or something else for some of the other hospitals, and they didn't have insurance for any number of reasons.  In Dwayne's and James's cases, it had to do with the fact that they were too busy surviving to get a job that offered insurance, or one doing anything that would make them enough money to buy a policy.  They both left their home as teenagers to escape from the sexual and other kinds of abuse they experienced.  That is also the case of Clarence, another trans man I know.  All of them lived on the streets for long periods of time.  James and Clarence came to New York with no money, no friends and no credentials, educational or otherwise.  In fact, Clarence told me once, he couldn't read when he got off the bus in the Port Authority Terminal.


We talked about that, among other things, at the meeting in which James and I participated.  Among LGBT people--the T's in particular--it seems that there are extremes in education.  We have disproportionate numbers of people with advanced degrees, but we also have many people who didn't finish high school and even some, like Terrence when he first came to New York, are illiterate.  And we also have quite a few people who have learning disabilities of one sort or another.


It's hard not to think that some of those learning disabilities and educational deficiencies have at least something to do with the violence too many of us experience.  I know too many other LGBT people who stopped attending school because they were getting beat up or even were experiencing sexual violence.  


A good number of those people have used St. Vincent's.  Where will they go now?  What will James, Clarence and Dwayne do?


What would I do?