We all know that the best way to avoid a problem is to stop it at its source. Right?
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Spillage
10 hours ago
Showing posts with label parents of LGBT kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents of LGBT kids. Show all posts
15 March 2015
11 August 2014
On Dawn And Mother-Daughter Relationships
Another
dawn ride in the Sunshine State. Really, given the heat and humidity,
it really is the best time to pedal. Plus, my parents live just far
enough from the ocean that I can start just before sunrise and, within a
few minutes, be treated to scenes like this:
That, from a place called Hammock. And this from, appropriately, Painter's Hill:
At that time of morning, one finds more surfers or fishers than swimmers. (Leave it to me to be, as always, a minority--both as a swimmer and cyclist!) When you're up before most other people and throw yourself at a great expanse that seems like infinity, it's hard not to wonder about the meaning of it all:
As it turns out, the woman in the second photo was watching her daughter:
As my mother is not, and never has been, a cyclist, surfer, swimmer or fisher, we have a different mother-daughter relationship. It was still more than welcome at the end of today's ride, in which I managed to beat the midday heat and afternoon rain.
That, from a place called Hammock. And this from, appropriately, Painter's Hill:
At that time of morning, one finds more surfers or fishers than swimmers. (Leave it to me to be, as always, a minority--both as a swimmer and cyclist!) When you're up before most other people and throw yourself at a great expanse that seems like infinity, it's hard not to wonder about the meaning of it all:
As it turns out, the woman in the second photo was watching her daughter:
As my mother is not, and never has been, a cyclist, surfer, swimmer or fisher, we have a different mother-daughter relationship. It was still more than welcome at the end of today's ride, in which I managed to beat the midday heat and afternoon rain.
23 June 2014
Trans Student Equality Resources
I'm sure that some of you are familiar with Trans Student Equality Resources. If you're not, check out their website: It's full of information and all sorts of other resources useful to young trans people (of all ages) and our supporters.
Oh, and they have some neat graphics, too, like this:
Oh, and they have some neat graphics, too, like this:
25 January 2014
Heterosexuality: Priceless
I am going to make the worst pun of the year (so far, anyway).
Here goes: What I am about to report is just priceless.
Even the most tolerant and understanding of parents may feel concern and even a twinge of disappointment when their kids "come out." After all, nearly all parents want their kids to be safe, and they naturally worry that their queer son or daughter is at greater risk of being bullied, harassed, assaulted or even killed than a straight (or seemingly-straight) or cisgender kid. And, let's face it, most parents still have the fantasy of their kids meeting the "right" person of the opposite gender and having kids.
Of course, even such attitudes and responses are better than trying to "beat it out" of the kid or throwing him or her out of the house. Then there are those parents who try to use "incentives" to make their kids straight: They send their kids on "blind" dates with kids of the opposite gender or encourage them to do things considered appropriate to the gender they were assigned at birth.
I always figured that some parent probably offered financial incentives, though I'd never met or heard about one--until now.
Cecil Chao is a Hong Kong billionaire who claims to have slept with 10,000 women. One would think that such a man would understand why someone would want to sleep with a women. So it seems a bit incongruous, at least to me, that he would offer $130 million US to any man who can turn his daughter, who married her girlfriend in France, straight.
Being the charitable person I am, I am willing to believe he isn't a homophobe. Perhaps he's just afraid of commitment--or, specifically, committing to a woman--and his daughter's marriage has made it clear.
For her part, his daughter Gigi says she wouldn't mind a man taking up the offer as long as he's OK with her marriage and is willing to donate at least some of the money to her favorite causes.
Here goes: What I am about to report is just priceless.
Even the most tolerant and understanding of parents may feel concern and even a twinge of disappointment when their kids "come out." After all, nearly all parents want their kids to be safe, and they naturally worry that their queer son or daughter is at greater risk of being bullied, harassed, assaulted or even killed than a straight (or seemingly-straight) or cisgender kid. And, let's face it, most parents still have the fantasy of their kids meeting the "right" person of the opposite gender and having kids.
Of course, even such attitudes and responses are better than trying to "beat it out" of the kid or throwing him or her out of the house. Then there are those parents who try to use "incentives" to make their kids straight: They send their kids on "blind" dates with kids of the opposite gender or encourage them to do things considered appropriate to the gender they were assigned at birth.
I always figured that some parent probably offered financial incentives, though I'd never met or heard about one--until now.
Cecil Chao is a Hong Kong billionaire who claims to have slept with 10,000 women. One would think that such a man would understand why someone would want to sleep with a women. So it seems a bit incongruous, at least to me, that he would offer $130 million US to any man who can turn his daughter, who married her girlfriend in France, straight.
Being the charitable person I am, I am willing to believe he isn't a homophobe. Perhaps he's just afraid of commitment--or, specifically, committing to a woman--and his daughter's marriage has made it clear.
For her part, his daughter Gigi says she wouldn't mind a man taking up the offer as long as he's OK with her marriage and is willing to donate at least some of the money to her favorite causes.
05 September 2013
When Kids "Come Out"
I've just come across this interesting article. According to Kris Wells, a researcher at the University of Alberta, more kids are "coming out", not only as gay or lesbian, but also as transgender. And they're coming out at earlier and earlier ages.
One thing I find interesting is, according to the article, that kids are increasingly supportive of their LGBT peers. To be sure, there is ridicule and bullying, but more kids are making efforts to befriend their gay classmates. Others simply see their peers' identities as a non-issue.
In some cases, it seems that parents who support a kid's gender transition get more flack than anyone else. They are often accused of "confusing" their kids, or of intentional or unintentional intolerance. Perversely, the same sorts of people who want to rigidly enforce "traditional" gender roles for children are the ones who accuse trans kids' parents of not accepting the "tomboyishness" of their daughters or the "sensitive, feminine" traits of their sons. Or, they try to counsel such parents that their kids' assertion of his or her gender identity is just a "phase" and will be "outgrown".
The funny thing is that the people who judge such parents are the ones who are themselves most confused about what constitutes gender identity, let alone transgenderism. They have a point when they say that a tomboy isn't necessarily a trans boy. Millions of girls who hate the color pink or wearing dresses, or who like to play in dirt, do not see themselves as anything but girls. Likewise, there are plenty of boys who don't care about sports or cars but would never think of themselves as anything besides boys.
Those who are transgendered do not merely flout norms about appearance, behavior and interests. Whether and however they express it, they actually know themselves as being of the gender to which they were not assigned at birth. I can remember seeing myself as a girl at a very young age; as I have mentioned in other posts, I--like nearly everyone else half a century ago--did not have the vocabulary or other means to express it, and few, if any, people in my environs would have understood because they were not aware of how someone could come to such a knowledge of his or her self.
Plus, if a kid knows at three or four or five that something is not "right", and expresses the wish to live in the gender of his or her mind and spirit for a decade after that, it's not a "phase". I myself wished that my knowledge of myself--let buying shoes, clothes and accessories "for my cousin Linda" or "for my mother, and dressing myself in front of a mirror, were all just part of a "phase." I still had that wish by the time I turned forty: I still hoped that extreme sports and other "macho" pursuits and sexual relations with women would end it for me.
Granted, some kids will decide they aren't really trans or that, for whatever reasons, they don't want to live as the "opposite" gender and undergo hormone treatments and surgery. Still, I can't help but to think that whatever conclusions they come to, they will be more secure in themselves if they probed whatever questions they may have had about their gender identities or sexuality, and had adults (ideally, parents, but others can fill this role) who loved them unconditionally in their journeys to self-knowledge.
One thing I find interesting is, according to the article, that kids are increasingly supportive of their LGBT peers. To be sure, there is ridicule and bullying, but more kids are making efforts to befriend their gay classmates. Others simply see their peers' identities as a non-issue.
In some cases, it seems that parents who support a kid's gender transition get more flack than anyone else. They are often accused of "confusing" their kids, or of intentional or unintentional intolerance. Perversely, the same sorts of people who want to rigidly enforce "traditional" gender roles for children are the ones who accuse trans kids' parents of not accepting the "tomboyishness" of their daughters or the "sensitive, feminine" traits of their sons. Or, they try to counsel such parents that their kids' assertion of his or her gender identity is just a "phase" and will be "outgrown".
The funny thing is that the people who judge such parents are the ones who are themselves most confused about what constitutes gender identity, let alone transgenderism. They have a point when they say that a tomboy isn't necessarily a trans boy. Millions of girls who hate the color pink or wearing dresses, or who like to play in dirt, do not see themselves as anything but girls. Likewise, there are plenty of boys who don't care about sports or cars but would never think of themselves as anything besides boys.
Those who are transgendered do not merely flout norms about appearance, behavior and interests. Whether and however they express it, they actually know themselves as being of the gender to which they were not assigned at birth. I can remember seeing myself as a girl at a very young age; as I have mentioned in other posts, I--like nearly everyone else half a century ago--did not have the vocabulary or other means to express it, and few, if any, people in my environs would have understood because they were not aware of how someone could come to such a knowledge of his or her self.
Plus, if a kid knows at three or four or five that something is not "right", and expresses the wish to live in the gender of his or her mind and spirit for a decade after that, it's not a "phase". I myself wished that my knowledge of myself--let buying shoes, clothes and accessories "for my cousin Linda" or "for my mother, and dressing myself in front of a mirror, were all just part of a "phase." I still had that wish by the time I turned forty: I still hoped that extreme sports and other "macho" pursuits and sexual relations with women would end it for me.
Granted, some kids will decide they aren't really trans or that, for whatever reasons, they don't want to live as the "opposite" gender and undergo hormone treatments and surgery. Still, I can't help but to think that whatever conclusions they come to, they will be more secure in themselves if they probed whatever questions they may have had about their gender identities or sexuality, and had adults (ideally, parents, but others can fill this role) who loved them unconditionally in their journeys to self-knowledge.
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