Even though in some circles, people have become more accepting of--or, at least, more willing to accept-- trans people, parents, siblings, friends, co-workers and others are still shocked and not sure of how to act when someone they've known for years or decades (or all of their lives) announces that he or she is trans.
There are a number of resources available. Today I came across this very good one from the Gender Centre of Australia:
The Transsexual Person In Your Life
Responses to frequently asked questions, frequently held concerns
About this document
A few notes about terminology
About the terms "transsexual" and "transgendered"
About the term "opposite sex"
About "sex" v "gender"
Contents
Section I: Overview
What is transsexualism?
What is involved in the transition process?
What causes transsexualism?
What is the treatment for transsexualism? Is there a "cure?"
How common is transsexualism?
Is transsexualism a modern phenomenon?
Is transsexualism the same as homosexuality?
Section II: Responses to common reactions and feelings about transition
The person I thought I knew is becoming a stranger.
Altering the body through surgery seems like mutilation.
I can't imagine the person ever seeming to me like the sex they want to be.
How can I support this person in their transition?
Section III: Other Resources
Internet Resources on Gender Issues: General Resources
The International Foundation for Gender Education (I.F.G.E.)
Gender Education & Advocacy (G.E.A.)
Jennifer Reitz' Transsexuality Page
Paper Cuts on My Soul
Transsexualism And Gender Identity Disorder
Standards Of Care For Gender Identity Disorders
Gender Public Advocacy Coalition (GenderPAC)
F.T.M. International
Resources specifically for male–to–female transgendered ⁄ transsexual
people
Transsexual Women’s Resources
Renaissance: Transgender Information & Support
Information for family, friends, employers and others
T.G.S. – P.F.L.A.G. Frequently Asked Questions
TransFamily
A Parent's Dilemma, the Transgender Child
A Lover's Leap of Faith
Human Rights Campaign's
Transgenderism and Transition in the Workplace
Transsexualism: Notes for Employers
Books
Please Note:
There are a number of resources available. Today I came across this very good one from the Gender Centre of Australia:
The Transsexual Person In Your Life
Responses to frequently asked questions, frequently held concerns
Reviewed July 1st 2008
About this document
This was written for people who have recently learned that
someone in their life identifies as a transsexual or has decided to undergo
gender transition. Since many people have not previously had the opportunity to
learn about transsexualism and other gender issues, they frequently have a lot
of questions, and may or may not feel comfortable directly asking the
transsexual person these questions.
A few notes about terminology
The community of people dealing with gender issues is large
and diverse, and terminology about these issues is continuing to evolve. We
will try to follow usages commonly accepted by many people in these
communities, but apologize in advance if we unwittingly offend anyone who uses
different words for their experiences.
About the terms "transsexual" and "transgendered"
We are using the term "transsexual" to refer to
people who are undergoing or have undergone gender transition ("sex
change"). "Transgendered" is a broader term, generally used to
include any person who feels their assigned gender does not completely or
adequately reflect their internal gender. Transgendered people may or may not
take steps to live as a different gender.
About the term "opposite sex"
Modern Western culture is very invested in a strict two–sex ⁄
two–gender system, where the two categories are constructed as opposites. Many
transsexual and transgendered people (and lots of other folks, too!) feel that
this model is too restrictive to accurately describe their own sense of their
gender. Since the phrase "opposite sex" is based on this restrictive
concept, we will avoid that term in this document, in favor of such
descriptions as "another sex" or "the target gender
expression." (We will occasionally use the phrase, in quotes, if we are
specifically referring to the restrictive two–gender system.)
About "sex" v "gender"
Social scientists make careful distinctions between these
two terms. "Sex" generally refers to biology, to the actual form of
the human body, including such factors as chromosomes, genital configuration,
and secondary sex characteristics, while "gender" refers to the
social meanings and characteristics associated with certain types of people.
In this document, we will attempt to adhere to this usage,
but not too strictly. Because transsexuals combine sex and gender in various
ways, sorting out exactly what is about "sex" v what is about
"gender" can get a little tricky.
Contents
Section I: General information about transsexualism and
gender transition;
Section II: Responses to common reactions and feelings about
transition; and
Section III: Other resources, Web links, Books
Section I: Overview
What is transsexualism?
Transsexualism is a condition in which a person experiences
a discontinuity between their assigned sex and what they feel their core gender
is. For example, a person who was identified as "female" at birth,
raised as a girl, and has lived being perceived by others as a woman, may feel
that their core sense of who they are is a closer fit with "male" or "man."
If this sense is strong and persistent, this person may decide to take steps to
ensure that others perceive them as a man. In other words, they may decide to
transition to living as the sex that more closely matches their internal
gender.
What is involved in the transition process?
The answer to this question varies depending on the needs
and desires of the individual choosing the transition process. An individual
may choose any combination of social, medical and legal steps that will help
that person achieve the greatest level of comfort with their body and social
roles.
Social steps might include asking to be referred to by a
different name (perhaps one generally given to people of the "opposite
sex") and different pronouns ("she" instead of "he" or
vice versa), dressing in clothing traditionally worn by people of the sex they
wish to be perceived as, and taking on mannerisms frequently associated with
that sex ⁄ gender.
Medical steps might include hormonal treatment to achieve an
appearance more consistent with the target gender expression, and ⁄ or surgery
to further modify the appearance. There are a variety of surgical options to
alter the transsexual person's body to help them achieve the greatest comfort
with their gender expression. The transsexual person may choose some, all, or
none of these surgical options.
Many transsexual people also work with the courts in their
area to achieve legal recognition of their new name and gender. Steps taken
vary depending on the location.
What causes transsexualism?
No one knows the answer to this question, although there is
much research currently in progress investigating it. Among the theories being
investigated are genetic influences, in utero hormonal influences, and other
brain structure ⁄ brain chemical influences.
Human sex and gender are very complex, and it is unlikely
that any simplistic analysis will definitively answer this question.
What is the treatment for transsexualism? Is there a "cure?"
Treatments for transsexualism based on attempting to change
the individual's sense of their own true gender have proven ineffective.
Accepted treatments are based on helping the transsexual person's body and
presentation match their inner sense of their gender, usually through hormone
treatment and surgery.
How common is transsexualism?
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
(D.S.M.– IV), fourth edition, says the following (© 1994, American Psychiatric
Association):
Prevalence: There are no recent
epidemiological studies to provide data on prevalence of Gender Identity
Disorder. Data from smaller countries in Europe with access to total population
statistics and referrals suggest that roughly 1 per 30,000 adult males and 1
per 100,000 adult females seek sex–reassignment surgery.
Because these numbers reflect
only people who have sought traditional medical treatment, they do not reflect
the total numbers of people who have some experience of gender discontinuity.
Is transsexualism a modern phenomenon?
While advances in medical science have only in the last few
decades made it possible for individuals to transition with the aid of hormones
and surgery, transgendered people have existed throughout history in many
societies.
Jennifer Reitz's "Natural History of
Transsexuality" provides a brief historical overview.
Is transsexualism the same as homosexuality?
No. Transsexualism is about a person's core sense of their
gender. This is a separate issue from the gender of the people they are
attracted to.
Just like any other individual, a transsexual person may
identify as heterosexual, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. For example, a person
raised as a man who transitions to living as a woman may identify as
heterosexual, in which case she would seek relationships with men, or lesbian,
in which case she would seek relationships with other women.
Section II: Responses to common reactions and feelings about transition
The person I thought I knew is becoming a stranger.
A person we know who undergoes gender transition will very
likely look and sound quite different after their transition. A person we've
known as a woman, for instance, may change his hairstyle, grow facial hair,
speak with a lower voice, and adopt an entirely new wardrobe. But he's not
likely to adopt an entirely new personality or set of values, and our history
with this person is unchanged. Think of any person you care about, and ask
yourself what qualities you value most about her or him. You are likely to think
of qualities which are not gender–specific, such as sense of humor,
intelligence, and loyalty. These qualities are not likely to change as a person
undergoes gender transition. In fact, a person who undergoes gender transition
is in a process of becoming more comfortable with himself or herself, and so
their positive qualities are likely to be enhanced.
It can be scary when someone in your life tells you they
need to make such a major change, and it's understandable that you may feel you
don't know this person as well as you thought. But if you continue to spend
time together, you will likely be comforted to find that they are in many ways
the same person you have always known.
Altering the body through surgery seems like mutilation.
This is also an understandable response. To those of us who
are comfortable with our assigned gender, the idea of altering those parts of
our bodies that are most associated with our gender can feel alien,
frightening, and disturbing.
Another person's decision to alter parts of their body can
feel threatening. It may help to remember that a person undergoing transition
from, for instance, a male to female gender expression, is not making a blanket
statement about the value of malehood or the validity of your gender
expression. She is simply seeking to become more comfortable in her body.
Sex reassignment surgery is the aspect of gender transition
that is most difficult for some people to understand, and you may never feel
comfortable with it. That's okay. But that discomfort doesn't preclude honoring
another person's choice, treating them with respect, and even supporting them
through their gender transition.
I can't imagine the person ever seeming to me like the sex they want to be.
It's hard to let go of our perceptions of someone we've
known for a long time. Changes in a person's appearance and behavior can occur
gradually, and may be difficult to perceive if you are in regular contact. But
if you pay attention to how strangers react to the person, it may help you to
see these changes. On the other hand, the gradualness of the change may help
you to adapt to the new gender identity step–by–step. You may be surprised, in
time, at how completely you accept the person's new chosen gender.
It is true, however, that some people who undergo gender
transition will continue to have significant characteristics of their previous
gender identity. Some male–to–female transsexuals, for instance, may be
unusually tall for women, while a female–to–male transsexual may have small
features. It may help if you avoid focusing on these specific things, but
rather honor the person's chosen gender, and try to see them as they see
themselves.
How can I support this person in their transition?
There are many ways you can be helpful. Perhaps the most
important is to convey your intention to be supportive to the person in
transition. Let them know you want to be an ally, and ask them what they need
from you. Then, to the extent you are able, offer them the support they've
asked for.
We can offer a couple of specific ideas as well. First, you
can adopt the use of the person's new name (if they've chosen one) and
appropriate gender pronouns. This change can be uncomfortable at first, and you
may slip up once in a while, but eventually this change becomes habitual and
comfortable. This small but very important step will demonstrate that you take
the person's decision seriously.
You can also try to maintain your previous relationship with
the person, whether that's the intimate relationship of close friends or once–a–month
bowling buddies. Gender transition is new territory for many people, and hence
can be scary. "Hanging in" with the person in transition despite
feelings of discomfort with the process can be a very supportive act.
Also, you may ask the person in transition how you can help
in letting others know about their transition. They may want to tell people
themselves, or they may be grateful for help "spreading the word."
There may be certain contexts––the softball team, a church you both attend, or
the workplace––where your assistance in telling others and expressing your
support will be appreciated. Let them be your guide in this.
Section III: Other Resources
Internet Resources on Gender Issues: General Resources
The International Foundation for Gender Education (I.F.G.E.)
"A leading advocate and educational organization for
promoting the self–definition and free expression of individual gender
identity. I.F.G.E. is not a support group, it is an information provider and
clearinghouse. I.F.G.E. maintains the most complete bookstore on the subject of
transgenderism available anywhere."
Gender Education & Advocacy (G.E.A.)
"Gender Education & Advocacy is a national
organization focused on the needs, issues and concerns of gender variant people
in human society. We seek to educate and advocate, not only for ourselves and
others like us, but for all human beings who suffer from gender–based
oppression in all of its many forms "
Jennifer Reitz' Transsexuality Page
A lot of good information for trans folks, as well as some
interesting general info about gender issues. Sections include: "What
exactly is Transsexuality?; The reasons to cherish being transsexual; Why you
don't want to be a woman or a man; What can I expect long term?; What is it
like to be transsexual?."
Paper Cuts on My Soul
Some great educational handouts and pointers to other
resources. A wonderful archive of trans folks' letters announcing their
transition.
Transsexualism And Gender Identity Disorder
Dr. Anne Vitale's site. "The intent of this web site is
to educate the reader to the psychotherapeutic issues of gender identity."
Standards Of Care For Gender Identity Disorders
Issued by the World Professional Association for Transgender
Health Inc.. This outlines suggested protocols transsexuals must conform to
receive treatment from participating medical professionals.
Gender Public Advocacy Coalition (GenderPAC)
"GenderPAC works to end discrimination and violence
caused by gender stereotypes by changing public attitudes, educating elected
officials and expanding legal rights."
F.T.M. International
"F.T.M. International is the internet contact point for
the largest, longest–running educational organization serving F.T.M.
transgendered people and transsexual men."
Resources specifically for male–to–female transgendered ⁄ transsexual
people
Transsexual Women’s Resources
Dr. Anne Lawrence's page contents includes a lot of good
information about hormones and surgery, plus pointers to other resources,
including resources specifically for young transsexuals.
Renaissance: Transgender Information & Support
A "transgender education organization and the largest
open membership support group in the world." Primarily for male–to–female
trans folks, including cross–dressers and others.
Information for family, friends, employers and others
T.G.S. – P.F.L.A.G. Frequently Asked Questions
Webpage associated with the T.G.S. – P.F.L.A.G. mailing
list, a list "for support of parents, family, spouses and friends of
transgendered people and transgenders who wish to discuss family or other
personal relationships."
TransFamily
"TransFamily is a support group for transgendered and
transsexual people, their parents, partners, children, other family members,
friends, and supportive others. We provide referrals, literature, and
over–the–phone information on all transgender issues "
A Parent's Dilemma, the Transgender Child
Well–written article by counselor and gender specialist
Gianna E. Israel.
A Lover's Leap of Faith
A Speech Given at the Friends (Quakers) for Lesbian and Gay
Concerns Midwinter Gathering, February, 1999. The lesbian lover of an F.T.M.
writes from a faith–based perspective about her partner's gender transition and
its effects on her.
Human Rights Campaign's
Transgenderism and Transition in the Workplace
"A guide that examines transgender workplace issues,
including a discussion of the law and strategies for dealing with transitioning
on the job." For both workers and employers.
Transsexualism: Notes for Employers
"This document is intended to provide guidance to
Managers and Employers of persons diagnosed with Transsexualism. It details the
current legal position [in the U.K.] regarding such persons' employment rights,
and makes recommendations for "best practice" ways of dealing with
transsexualism in the workplace."
Books
Most of these books can be ordered from the I.F.G.E.
bookstore.
Boenke, Mary (ed.) Trans Forming Families: Real Stories
About Transgendered Loved Ones. Waterford Press, 1999.
Brown, Mildred L. True Selves: Understanding
Transsexualism–For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals. San
Francisco: Jossey–Bass Publishers, 1996.
Burke, Phyllis. Gender Shock: Exploding the Myths of Male
and Female. Anchor Books, 1996.
Cameron, Loren. Body Alchemy: Transsexual Portraits.
Pittsburgh, Pa U.S.A.: Cleis Press, 1996.
Cole, Dana. The Employer's Guide to Gender Transition.
Waltham, Ma U.S.A.: I.F.G.E., 1992.
Devor, Holly. F.T.M.: Female to Male Transsexuals in
Society. Bloomington: Indiana University Press, 1997.
Israel, Gianna E., et al. Transgender Care: Recommended
Guidelines, Practical Information, and Personal Accounts. Philadelphia: Temple
University Press, 1997.
Kirk, Sheila M.D. Feminizing Hormonal Therapy for the
Transgendered. Blawnox, Pa U.S.A.: Together Lifeworks, 1996.
Kirk, Sheila M.D.Masculinizing Hormonal Therapy for the
Transgendered. Blawnox, Pa U.S.A.: Together Lifeworks, 1996.
Kirk, Sheila Pa U.S.A. and Martine Rothblatt, J.D. Medical,
Legal & Workplace Issues for the Transsexual. Blawnox, Pa U.S.A.: Together
Lifeworks, 1995.
Bornstein, Kate. Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest
of Us. New York: Routledge, 1994.
Califia, Pat. Sex Changes: The Politics of Transgenderism.
San Francisco, California: Cleis Press, 1997.
Feinberg, Leslie. Transgender Warriors: Making History from
Joan of Arc to Rupaul. Boston: Beacon Press, 1996. Also see Leslie's website.
Wilchins, Riki Anne. Read My Lips: Sexual Subversion and the
End of Gender. Ithaca, N.Y. U.S.A.: Firebrand, 1997.
Send us your feedback.
Last modified: 20th July 2003
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Please Note:
The Gender Centre is listing these links for information
regarding specific areas of transgender life and transition, and other
resources where appropriate. Please note, while information on these websites
have been found useful to some, the Gender Centre takes no responsibility for
information appearing in these websites.
Many of the websites are American and British owned and
operated. While general support information may be similar to here in
Australia, web surfers are encouraged to contact the Gender Centre for
information regarding most medical and legal issues.
The Gender Centre also possesses an extensive referral
manual in the areas of legal, medical, accommodation, employment, H.I.V. ⁄
AIDS, Psychiatric, Youth, Aboriginal and Corrective Services. Some of this
information cannot appear on our webpage for legal reasons, and again,
interested parties are encouraged to contact the Gender Centre directly.
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Petersham N.S.W. 2049 Ph: (02) 9569 2366 Fax: (02) 9569 1176
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