Cheryl, the assistant manager at Rite Aid, hadn't seen me in some time, and commented on it. She first met me when I moved into the neighborhood, just before I began my year of going to work and family engagements as Nick while going shopping, to movies and to various LGBT-related events as Justine. So she has seen the transition, but I hadn't talked to her about my surgery. And she noticed the two packages of maxi-pads.
"Two of a girl's basic needs," she dryly remarked.
I couldn't suppress a grin, which I couldn't keep from blossoming into a smile.
"Exactly what I need now," I said.
She looked at me. One of those silences that lasts a nanosecond but seems to engulf all of time hung in, but did not fill, the space between us.
"I've just had my operation."
A silence that seemed even longer than the previous one filled the air as she looked directly into my eyes for the first time. "You're looking well. You're looking happy."
"I feel as if a huge weight has been taken off my shoulders. I feel more complete now."
"I'm glad for you. I hope everything continues to go well." Then she rushed toward the back of the store, where a young woman was stocking the shelves in the "baby needs" aisle.
Given that she was on the job, I'm surprised that we talked for as long as we did. Perhaps we'll talk about this some more. Perhaps not. Maybe she won't want to, or we won't need to.
It's not as if Cheryl is a close friend. But she's one of those people who's always been friendly and helpful to me. Who knows....Maybe the next time I go to that Rite Aid, she'll tell me to buy different pads. Or she'll tell me that she likes dark chocolate or wonder how in the world I eat them.
I've long suspected that all women love chocolate, and if women can be classified in any way, it's according to their tastes in chocolate: one who likes dark is definitely different from someone who prefers milk chocolate, who is yet another kind of woman from one who goes for white. Then, of course, we can further categorize women by whether they like truffles, caramel fillings, cream fillings, liqueurs, nuts, raisins or other additions--or whether they prefer their chocolate "straight."
Somehow I suspect Cheryl likes milk chocolate with caramel. Nothing wrong with that: I just happen to prefer mine dark and straight, or a dark truffle. I must admit that for the life of me, I don't understand how anyone eats white chocolate straight-up. I can understand using it as a garnish or flavoring, or swirling or layering it with dark chocolate. But to eat chunks of it...no.
Later in the afternoon, I talked to Regina for the first time in a while. She moved from the college where I teach now to the one in which I taught before I came to my current college. It's not so far away from me, but because our schedules have been so different, we haven't seen each other in a while. We made a lunch date for next Friday. Still, I was trying to talk to her for as long as I could: It's always such a pleasure for me.
Near the end of our conversation, she said something that still moves me, even though she's said it before: "You're an inspiration for me."
If her phone were photosensitive, it would've been pink from my blushing. "Really? Well, I'm happy for that."
"You really are. You reaffirm femininity. You show people how good it is to be feminine."
The funny thing is that I never set out to be "feminine." I just happen to be that way, or at least express myself that way. But, if she or any other woman--or man, for that matter--feels that I reaffirm what is best about being who one is, then I'm happy.
Just remember that I need maxi-pads and love chocolate, just as you do! ;-)
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2 comments:
Oddly, whether I like milk or dark chocolate depends on the brand. Some do an excellent good job with dark chocolate, but others make it too dry and brittle. It seems to be unrelated to how expensive the brand is and how much coco content is in the dark chocolate. Mysterious! Truffles and liqueurs are my favourites when done right, but that is difficult and expensive to accomplish - so when at the drug store counter I stick with the classics. One trendy thing I like is chocolate with chili pepper (there is a shop in DUMBO that excels at this). But "white chocolate" and caramel? No, sorry. My open-mindedness has its limits!
Moving on from this topic before I run to the corner store and binge on Lindt: I must admit that I am puzzled re why you need maxi pads. Is there residual post-op bleeding, or is it a psychological tactic to solidify your self-image as a woman? (I say this assuming that SRS techniques have not improved so much as to actually simulate the "gift" of menstruation?..)
Jeanne: No, the surgery hasn't improved to that point, though it's much better than it was even a few years ago.
There was a small amount of residual bleeding and some other discharge, which has lessened and will soon cease. Then I will no longer need the maxi-pads.
As for your comments on chocolate: I agree on all counts. And I think that if you can't go to that shop in DUMBO or take the next flight to Geneva or Brussels, Lindt 70% is the "drug of choice." I also like their truffle and mousse-filled dark chocolate balls that come foil-wrapped and in bags of twenty or so.
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