25 December 2010

Carrying On

I know, I haven't been writing much in this blog.  Part of the reason for that is the semester that just ended:  Over the last two weeks, I had almost no time for anyting that wasn't school-related. 

But the truth includes something else:  I simply haven't been thinking as much about the issues and experiences I'd been writing about in this blog as I was when I was first writing in it, or during the days leading up to, and immediately following, my surgery.  Perhaps, that's exactly the point of going through a gender transition and gender-reassignment surgery.  I saw that as a destination, or at least a goal, when I started on this journey.  When you've lived your whole life in conflict, not having to think about it sounds very, very appealing.  And, of course, the very appeal of something is enough to make it a dream, a destination or a goal.

I am not sure that I will never have to think about my gender identity again.  But I am in situations now where I really don't have to talk about it, or at least where nobody's brought up the subject and I haven't said anything.  And now I am at my parents' house in Florida.  Wherever I go here, people address me as ma'am and I don't even think of it as a victory, or anything in particular, anymore.  It's just who I am and the way I relate to the world, and it relates to me.

And then of course there is my parents' acceptance of who I am, as difficult as that has been for them at times.  When you find acceptance, or at least tolerance, you don't have as much need to explain or defend yourself as you do in other situations.  My life seems to include fewer and fewer of those other situations.  Perhaps there will be changes that will eliminate those situations that remain.

So...You will probably see less and less on this blog. This isn't to say that I'm ending it; perhaps only my unwillingness to let go will keep it going, however sporadically.  As you may know, I have another blog, about cycling.  Perhaps some of my other interests will lead me to start another new blog; it may or may not be a spin-off of this one.  But whatever I do will be motivated by my curiosity, love of writing and desire to connect with anyone who might be receptive to what I represent, even if he or she doesn't agree with what I say or like what I do.  Becoming a woman, becoming one's own person, is always an ongoing process.  Whether on this blog or some other, or in another venue altogether, I plan to continue that, and nothing more or less.

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