16 July 2010
Out Of The Closet This Summer
First one heat wave, then another. Now I'm really glad that I had my surgery last, rather than this, year.
According to meteorologist, last summer was wetter than normal. I didn't notice it, but when it wasn't raining, it never seemed to be terribly hot. So, while I wasn't able to ride my bike or engage in any outdoor activity but walking, I was able to spend much time outdoors when it wasn't raining.
If I were recovering this summer, I probably would be indoors more, and I'd probably read and write even more than I did.
Now I'm thinking about how I used to suppress in my identity in the summer. In cooler weather, I could cover myself more, and hide some of my more masculine features more readily. You know which ones I mean!
Plus, it was more difficult to wear makeup, as I would sweat much of it off.
I think that keeping myself in the closet during the summer is one reason why I spent so much time cycling and, to a lesser degree, swimming and in other outdoor sports. You might say I was channeling my anger over having to be someone I wasn't. Ironically, my lycra shorts accented my most masculine features!
Now I don't even think about those things. Today I slouched around in a ratty pair of shorts and a T-shirt, with no makeup. And two men--one in a store and another who works as a doorman a block away--were flirting with me. The storeowner was enraptured by---my French. He's Lebanese.
But, seriously...It's nice to enjoy summer as I am now. There are plenty of women walking around wearing less than I wore. And many of them look better than I look. And, yes, I am one of them...even in the middle of summer.
I'm so glad I had my surgery--last summer.