16 July 2010

Out Of The Closet This Summer

First one heat wave, then another.  Now I'm really glad that I had my surgery last, rather than this, year.

According to meteorologist, last summer was wetter than normal.  I didn't notice it, but when it wasn't raining, it never seemed to be terribly hot.  So, while I wasn't able to ride my bike or engage in any outdoor activity but walking, I was able to spend much time outdoors when it wasn't raining.  

If I were recovering this summer, I probably would be indoors more, and I'd probably read and write even more than I did.  

Now I'm thinking about how I used to suppress in my identity in the summer.  In cooler weather, I could cover myself more, and hide some of my more masculine features more readily.  You know which ones I mean!

Plus, it was more difficult to wear makeup, as I would sweat much of it off.

I think that keeping myself in the closet during the summer is one reason why I spent so much time cycling and, to a lesser degree, swimming and in other outdoor sports.  You might say I was channeling my anger over having to be someone I wasn't.  Ironically, my lycra shorts accented my most masculine features!

Now I don't even think about those things.  Today I slouched around in a ratty pair of shorts and a T-shirt, with no makeup.  And two men--one in a store and another who works as a doorman a block away--were flirting with me.  The storeowner was enraptured by---my French.  He's Lebanese.

But, seriously...It's nice to enjoy summer as I am now.  There are plenty of women walking around wearing less than I wore.  And many of them look better than I look.  And, yes, I am one of them...even in the middle of summer.

I'm so glad I had my surgery--last summer.

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