09 July 2009

After The Surgery: One Small Step for a Woman

So here's my first post as a woman--at least, as most people's definition of a woman.

Today I got out of bed for the first time since undergoing my surgery. I took a walk around the hallways on the floor on which my room is located. It wasn't much of a trek, but I could have just as well been Neil Armstrong taking his first steps on the moon. As I recall, he set foot on the lunar dust forty years ago this month.

What was it about the early summer of '69? The Stonewall riot erupted, Neil Armstrong took his walk and half a million people converged on a farm in upstate New York for the Woodstock festival. And there probably were other events I'm forgetting now.

Anyway... I'd say that I took a small step for a woman, but I have size 11 WW feet. Nonetheless, I anticipate--hope--that the steps I took today are among the first of a long and fruitful journey.

Getting out of bed also meant having my IVs removed. It's nice to have full use of my arms, and not to be bound to my bed. And my body is on its own--save for the medical care I'm getting--as a woman's body.

And today I also got to take my first look at my new organs. They're still embryonic, if you will: There's stitching to hold the skin that will be my clitoris and labia. They weren't as bruised as I expected them to be, and they weren't swollen at all.

But even in their state of healing, they are powerful for me. They are not only a symbol, but a conduit to the life I've always wanted. And you might say that my organs are the doors to my self--and, perhaps, channels to my feminine energy.

It's odd: Last night, even though I hadn't seen those new organs and hadn't gotten out of bed, I felt giddy. I asked whether it had anything to do with medicines, but such was not the case. It was just me and my new life making me happy.

And today I gave Dr. Bowers a big hug. Perhaps that's not professional behavior, but she didn't seem to care any more than I did. You see, while she performed the surgery, she did something equally important: She has served as an emotional and spiritual guide to the journey that brought me to my first walk as a woman.

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