How Quickly Notions About Us Are Changing

One thing I find interesting--and gratifying--is how quickly much of the public's understanding of what "transgender" means is shifting.

According to a four-year-old report I recently found, nearly half of all people surveyed thought a transgender is someone who "switches" from one gender to another.  Nearly one in five people believed that a trans person "lives like the opposite gender", "identifies more with the opposite gender" or "has identified with both genders".  Another ten percent subscribed to what was the standard definition until the 1980s or thereabouts:  transgenders are born into the "wrong" body.

Just four years later, those statistics and notions already seem very dated--especially the large number  of people who thought trans people "switch" genders.  There is some degree of truth--at least, for some trans people-- to the other definitions I've mentioned, but they don't come close to telling the whole story about any of us.

Perhaps that is one of the best outcomes of the publicity surrounding Caitlyn Jenner and other trans people "coming out".  None of us fit a single narrative of what it means to be trans any more than any cisgender heterosexual is likely to fit into some narrow definition of "cisgender" or "hetero".   As more people understand that, it can only make it easier (though I still won't say "easy") for us to live in the fullness of our own beings.

Happy Fourth Of July! Get Ready!

Happy Fourth of July, a.k.a. US Independence Day!

Many in our community are still celebrating the Supreme Court's ruling on same-sex marriage.   Still, there's a long road ahead until we achieve equality in all areas of life.  In other words, we're still not close to freely exercising all of the things most people take for granted in the Constitution, specifically the Bill of Rights.

So...enjoy this day.  And prepare for what's coming.

Girl Scouts Return Donation, Then Triple It

A few days ago, I wrote about a woman who upholds her convictions--or, at least, the stated values of an organization she leads.

The Queen Anne Office (in Western Washington State) of the Girl Scouts received a $100,000 donation with a request that it wouldn't be used to help transgender girls.

That donation was equal to a quarter of the office's budget for a year. It could have sent hundreds of girls to camp.  But Megan Ferland returned it.

The office's online marketing manager then started #ForEVERYGirl, a crowd-funding campaign on IndieGoGo.  As of last night, it raised $300,000.

Now, if the Girl Scouts can do that--and integrate trans girls fairly seamlessly, as they did with the first Black Girl Scouts in 1917 (the organization was founded five years earlier)--why do the Boy Scouts have such a problem with gay, let alone trans, Scouts and Scoutmasters?

Freddie Really DidSomething

Before I started living full-time as a woman, I saw a therapist and social worker every week for a year.  And I saw them weekly for the first two years in my life as I am.

Both of them thought one of the most difficult--or at least intense--parts of my transition would be "coming out" in the college where I was teaching at the time.  About 800 faculty members taught and mentored 17,000 students; even though I planned to  announce my new name and identity only to my department chair and colleagues, and to all relevant administrators, I knew that word--and rumors--about it, and me, would spread quickly. I think that my therapist and social worker knew that would be just the beginning!

Still, if I include everyone in that college as well as family members, friends and others with whom I was in regular contact, I "came out" to, at most, about 30,000 people.  

I can only imagine what it would like to come out to two million!  That is what someone named "Alysha" did in introducing himself as "Freddie", a transgender male.

For three years, he'd been sending subscribers to DoSomething.org tips on recycling and other ways to do social good.  Now, it seems, he is teaching by example:  He talked about his struggles to come to terms with his identity and offered advice, encouragement or simply explanation to anyone who wants it.

He sure is doing something!
 

An NFL Player Tackled By Transgender Panic

Transgender=Predator.

To some people,  this equation is as ironclad as 2+2=4.  Yet when you ask those same people to name a specific case of a trans person who accosted, harassed, or assaulted anyone, or made anyone do anything against his or her will, they can't.  

It's one thing for people to believe stereotypes or myths out of fear or ignorance.  But it's absolutely vile and reprehensible when someone uses a myth or stereotype to escape responsibility for his or her actions, or to slander someone else.

I know:  Dominick did those things to me when I ended my relationship with him.  He spread rumors that traded in those stereotypes and tried to bully me with threats that he would continue to spread them and cause even more damage than he already had.

And I ended my relationship with him because he simply refused to take responsibility for the consequences of his words and actions.  Instead, he would portray himself as the victim whenever he was called to account.

The memory of those awful things he did came back when I saw this story about a football star who cheated on his wife, who was eight months pregnant at the time--and Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriend.

Oh, but it gets even better.  Hank Baskett claims that when he went to a grocery store, he saw a couple smoking pot in a parking lot and approached them in the hope they--random strangers--would sell him some weed. They gave him a phone number to call; when he called, he was given an address where he showed up.  

Are you with me so far?  

So he arrived at the house, he says, and went to the bathroom.  (Hmm...So that's the first thing you do at a drug dealer's house!)  When he emerged from the loo, he says, he saw two trans women--one of them naked--making out. 

Then, he claims, one of them walked up to him and sampled the merchandise in his gym shorts.

"I didn't engage in anything," he says.  "It was like a bank robbery...I don't know if it was a couple of seconds or fifteen seconds, because all I was saying was 'get out, get out, get out."  

According to a magazine who published his story, he was so "distraught" and "humiliated" he couldn't tell his wife--Kendra Wilkinson--about it.  

Ah, yes,  the "transgender panic" defense.   He went to cop some blow and ended up getting a blow job from a stranger.  When he realized what a divorce would cost him, he got scared.  

Now, to be fair, a transgender model claimed to have an affair with Baskett while Wilkinson was pregnant and sold her story to a magazine.  If that model was lying, Baskett could have ignored or denied her story. But if the story about the affair is true, his "explanation" does nothing to make him seem less culpable.

Or more credible.  Does he really think anyone is stupid enough to believe his story?  Oh wait...Wilkinson claims she does. "He messed up," she says, "He was naive and gullible."  

Really....You can't make this stuff up!

  

If It Can't Be Used To Help Trans Girls, The Girl Scouts Don't Want It

It's great to know that some organizations actually stand behind their stated principles.

One such organization is the Girl Scouts--specifically, the Queen Anne Offices of the Girl Scouts in western Washington State.

Not long ago, a $100,000 donation came their way.  But in May, in the wake of all of the publicity surrounding Caitlyn Jenner, the donor sent a letter with this request:  Please guarantee that our gift will not be used to support transgender girls.  If you can't, please return the money.

That donation would have represented a quarter of the office's annual operating budget, and would have been enough to send 500 girls to camp.  For many people, that would make for a wrenching decision.

But not for CEO Megan Ferland.  Shortly after receiving that letter, she returned the money. For her, the reasoning was simple:  "Girl Scouts is for every girl."  She added, "Every girl should have the opportunity to be a Girl Scout, if she wants to."


Thank you, Megan Ferland!

For The Community, A Victory. For You And Your Partner, Maybe Not So Much.

As I have said in earlier posts, even though I support marriage equality, I would much prefer that the government got out of the marriage business altogether, save to set a minimum age at which people can enter into a union.  And it would be exactly that—a union.  It would allow couples visitation and inheritance rights and specify custody and other responsibilities. It would also allow one member of the couple to add the other to her or his health care policy and apartment lease agreement or title to the house. However, there would be no tax benefit for getting married. 

One reason why I believe in such an arrangement even more firmly in the wake of the Supreme Court’s ruling became apparent to me today.  Now same-sex marriage is legal throughout the US, employers will be required to allow workers to add their same-sex spouses to their health insurance policies.  This begs the question:  Will employers stop offering domestic-partner benefits?  Will they require couples, whether hetero- or homo-sexual, to be married in order to share in the benefits the company offers?

One of the great ironies of my life is that I was once included in a partner’s health-care benefits—when I was still living as a man with a female partner.  We had a domestic partnership agreement, which New York City was offering to all couples at that time (late 1990’s and early 2000’s).  If I were still with her—whether in my former or current identity—would she be allowed to include me on her health insurance? 

I’m guessing that the answer would be “yes” just because this is New York City and her company had a surprisingly (to me at the time, anyway) enlightened view of such things.  But what if we’d been in one of those states where same-sex marriage—and even domestic partnerships—weren’t legal before last week’s ruling?  It’s hard for me to imagine that a company based in a state that didn’t have domestic partnerships would allow partners’ benefits, especially if it was compelled by court order to offer insurance to same-sex couples.

Somehow I think the battles not only aren’t over; they haven’t even begun yet.

Body Language And Marriage Politics

Four years ago, marchers in New York City’s Pride March—and revelers on the streets and in parties during and after the event—celebrated the legalization of same-sex marriage in the Empire State, which had come to pass only a few days earlier.

This year, there was similar jubilation because, just the other day, same-sex marriage was legalized in all of the United States.  The cool wind that blew drizzle and rain into this city through much of the day didn’t seem to keep very many people away from the march and other celebrations.

Something I saw after this year’s march bears a striking similarity with something I observed four years ago.  In most years, one sees LGBT people and their allies, alone or in groups, walking around with their rainbow flags and other regalia.  One also sees couples, but many of them have a certain tentativeness that can be seen in the almost-truncated ways they hold hands, put their arms around each other or simply walk with each other.  It’s almost as if some of them know that they can display their affection so publicly for that one day.

But this year, I saw none of that furtiveness.  The couples I saw—young old and in-between; men with men, women with women and cis people with transgenders—walked with more confidence and less of the ostentation people display when they know their moment of bliss can be rudely (or, worse, violently) interrupted.  In other words, they seemed to enjoy the sense of security—Nobody can take this away from us—most cisgender heterosexual couples don’t even realize they take for granted.

I was noticing change in couples’ body language and, it seemed, in their sense of time itself, not on the Christopher Street Pier or in Chelsea clubs or Jackson Heights bars.  Rather, I observed them in the South Bronx, where I rode my bike to meet a friend after the festivities.   I also noticed it later in my own neighborhood of Astoria—which, while it has a fair-sized LGBT community living openly, isn’t exactly Chelsea or even Jackson Heights.  Somehow I imagine that had I gone to other neighborhoods in Queens or Manhattan or the Bronx—or Brooklyn, or even Staten Island—I would have seen something similar.  In short, everyone was breathing a little freer today—even more so than we were four years ago.

A Black Woman--Like Me? Like You?

You may have noticed that, until today, I hadn’t commented on the woman of Czech, Irish, Swedish and Native American ancestry who claimed she’s African-American and became the president of an NAACP chapter.  Frankly, I haven’t been thinking much about it, partly because I think the whole idea of classifying people by race is silly.  We’re All African; Get Over It!

But this morning I heard someone echo the canard conservative talk-radio personalities have been parroting:  If she wanted to portray herself as Black, it must mean that there’s no such thing as “white privilege”.  (If anything, those talk-radio guys show us that there’s no such thing as “white superiority”.)  People like them believe that laws to protect people of color, women, LGBT people and others are “special privileges”; never mind that white men have enjoyed such privileges since the day this country was founded.

It reminded me some things a few people told me when I was starting my transition.  “Oh, you’ll have it made,” said one.  “Men are going to hold doors open for you.”  Oh, sure, I transitioned for that.  And it more than makes up for the times I’ve been slandered (in particular by Dominick, but also by others) , accused of things I didn’t do, rejected and passed over for jobs. 

And then there was Elizabeth—who, I have since realized, resents anyone who is happier than she is—who accused me of transitioning so that I could “go to the top of the Affirmative Action food chain” and get a job that should go to her or some other “real” (Yes, she used that term!) woman. 

Uh-huh.  I took hormones and abuse, and underwent surgery, just so I could teach gender studies or gender theory or some such thing.  I can just imagine what someone like Elizabeth—who, I also realize, wants to be a Second Wave Feminist with a man who will support her—would, if she were black, say about Ms.

What I’m saying is that I made my transition so I can live my life—which, I suspect, is the reason why Caitlyn Jenner made hers.  In fact, I’d say that’s the reason, or at least an important reason, why most trans people go through their process of becoming who and what they are.  Really, there aren’t many—perhaps any—other reasons.

I suppose Rachel Dolezal  is claiming blackness for the same reason.  However, contrary to what some believe, that is about the only comparison that can be made between her and transgenders.  I’m not saying that a person couldn’t have been born in the “wrong” race; it’s simply something I don’t understand because I’ve never experienced it (though I’ve often felt I should have been French, which is a cultural—for me, anyway—rather than a racial identity).  On the other hand, I understand how it feels to have been born in the “wrong” body—which is still how most people define transgenderism.  More important, I understand what it’s like to be brought up, educated and acculturated in the “wrong gender”.  Most important of all, I have experienced growing up with the mind and spirit of a gender different from the one in which I was living and presenting to the world every day for the first 44 years of my life.

Hmm…Maybe I do understand a little more of Ms. Dolezal's dilemma than I thought.  But just a little.  Whatever the case, I find no reason to worry about whether she claims she’s black, white, Martian, Tralfamadorian or whatever.  All I can say is that it’s very, very unlikely she’s claiming blackness just so she can teach Black Studies or be the President of an NAACP chapter.  After all, as a white woman, there are all sorts of other things she could do—even though she wouldn’t have the same access and other privileges white cisgender men enjoy. 

Same-Sex Marriage Is Legal Everywhere In The US

An old man walks, with some trepidation, into an old house.

It's dark, there's lots of dust and the floors creak with each step he takes.  But he' not really worried (or so he tells himself) until he hears:

Boooo.... I am the spi-rit...of same-sex marriage...Woooo!

The old man screams:  Oh, no!  There goes the threat to our democracy.

Now, of course, neither that house nor that ghost exists---except, of course, in the fantasies of that old man.

And who is that old man?, you ask.

Why, he's none other than our good friend Antonin Scalia.

Yes, that Antonin Scalia.  The one who's been on the Supreme Court for nearly three decades.  

Now, to be fair, he didn't specifically say that same-sex marriage is the threat.  Rather, he blasted the Supreme Court--or, more specifically, five members of it. In calling them the threat to democracy, he probably came as close as he could to saying that he's against same-sex marriage without saying it.  He's like all of those people who say "states' rights" as a code phrase for their opposition to laws protecting racial equality.

Those five judges--Anthony Kennedy (who wrote the opinion), Stephen Beyer, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan--marriage is a right of all same-sex couples, regardless of where in the United States they live.  The other four judges--Scalia, John Roberts, Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas--each wrote their own dissenting opinions.

From the tone of this, you can tell that I'm pleased with the ruling. However, I still don't believe that granting same-sex marriage rights is the best solution.  I believe that, ideally, governments should have nothing at all to do with marriage other than to set a minimum age.  I also don't believe that religious institutions should be vested with the power of marriage.  If people want to have ceremonies in their houses of worship or prayer or whatever, that is fine.  But such a ceremony shouldn't legalize a person's union.  I'm no Constitutional lawyer or scholar, but it seems to me that the situation I've described--i.e., the one we have--conflicts with the Constitutional separation of church and state. Today's ruling does nothing to change that.

Still, though, today's decision is better than second-class citizenship, which is what too many same-sex couples now have.
 
 

Why Did She Heckle The President?

It's all but impossible to determine how many transgender people there are.   For one thing, definitions of "transgender" vary:  Some would count cross-dressers; others would include only those who have had gender reassignment surgery.  For another, not all trans people self-identify, or are readily self-identifiable.

Interestingly, the easiest setting in which to count the number of trans people is detention centers for illegal or undocumented immigrants.  Trans people, more often than not, flee their native countries because they are transgender and will say as much on applications for documentation--or simply for release from prison.


According to one report, about one out of every 500 detained immigrants is transgender. Yet one out of every 5 cases of sexual abuse in such facilities is committed against transgender detainees. 

Those numbers are a reflection of what Jennicet Guiterrez had in mind when she heckled President Obama at a White House reception for LGBT pride month.

"I saw the President come in speaking about gay pride and the progress that's been made," says Guiterrez.  The activist at Familia TQLM, an organization that serves LGBTQ Latino/as says she's spoken to "trans women who were released from detention centers" and told about "the abuse and torture they're facing in detention."  Hearing their stories, she said, made her want to give them a voice.

Secret Service police escorted her out of the reception but didn't arrest her.    And Obama's self-congratulation--whoops, I mean celebration--continued.
 

Being A Trans Girl Is Like...

When Will Trans People Live Cisgender Lives?

I was rather pleasantly surprised by this article in the New York Post. Its author, Eric Hegedus, seems pleased that more trans actors are appearing in films and television series.  On the other hand, he points out that there is a danger of trans actors being typecast if they are called upon to play nothing but trans characters. 

To me, an actor is someone who can step into a role, even one completely different from his or her own experience.  Of course, by that definition, there aren't many true actors.  But the day is coming, I think, when we'll see just how good some trans actors are when they play cisgender characters.

I had to laugh, though, at the title of the article:  "When will we start seeing transgender actors in non-transgender roles?"  Fact is, it's happened, at least once.  And the trans actress I'm thinking of played a cis woman all the way back in 1981.

Back in my previous life, I would sometimes go to the movies with my father and brothers (My mother has never been much of a movie-goer!) and, later, with male buddies or co-workers.  Some of the most popular "guys' night out" movies (I almost typed "films") are the James Bond flicks. I think the last one I saw was For Your Eyes Only.

And, yes, that was the one that featured the trans actress:  Caroline "Tula" Cossey, who played the obligatory "Bond Girl" in the movie.  To promote the movie, she also posed for Playboy magazine.  She was probably the first trans woman to do that as well, although nobody--at least, nobody in the general public--knew about her identity at that time.

However, a year later, News Of The World, a British tabloid, "outed" her.  For the next decade, she fought for transgender acceptance and worked to educate people.  In 1991, she approached the editors of Playboy, who did another pictorial of her. 


Now 60 years old, she lives in the Atlanta area with her husband.  She says she is happy that there is more acceptance for trans people, though she was still shocked when Bruce Jenner became Caitlyn before the eyes of the world.   Ms. Cossey empathises with Caitlyn's pain and suffering, so she knows just how difficult the road ahead could be for Caitlyn, in spite (or perhaps because) of her fame and fortune.  

Even with such changes, and with the love and support she's received, "Tula" says doesn't know whether she'll ever "stop feeling like a second-class citizen".

Unfortunately, even her looks and talent aren't a shield against internalizing the hate and meanness that was directed at her.  So,  I believe, the question shouldn't be about when we will see trans actors play cis parts.  Instead, we should find when people who just happen to be a little different from what society deems "normal" will be able to  grow up and live without bullying, shame, discrimination and the threat of death for simply being who they are.

(Aside:  Angelina Jolie was offered a role as a "Bond Girl" in Casino Royale.  She turned it down.  "I'd rather be Bond," she said.  Now that, I would pay to see!) 

Is She Better Just Because She's One Of Us?

The second-most powerful Democrat in the House of Representatives is a staunch advocate of LGBT rights.  You are LGBT, and you live in his district.  

Chances are that you voted for him.  And you probably will vote for him when he runs again.

Unless...

As it happens, someone is running against him in the Democratic primary.  As the district is heavily Democratic, the winner of that primary would probably win the Congressional seat.  But the incumbent is extremely popular, so the odds of his losing the seat, let alone the primary, seem very long.

Unless...

The person running against him in the primary is a former Navy SEAL who was deployed 13 times.  This candidate hasn't made LGBT issues a campaign priority and, while supporting same-sex marriage, believes it and other issues should be "left up to the states" and not subject to the broad Federal regulations the incumbent favors.  Such a stance does not endear the challenger to the LGBT community and may make the incumbent's re-election all thoe more likely.

Unless...

All right.  I'll tell you about that challenger.  Kristin (nee Christopher) Beck transitioned from male to female two years ago, after retiring from the Navy.  She's talked about staring down Taliban warlords and knocking down doors to capture insurgents only to, after coming home, get beat up outside a bar for wearing a dress.  

Of course, her candidacy begs the question of whether we should replace a proven ally of our community with someone who just happens to be a member of the community.  

That's a bit like asking whether a Ben Carson presidency would be better for African-Americans than Lyndon Johnson's was.  Actually, that comparison might be a bit extreme, but it's still doubtful that Kristin Beck would be better on LGBT (or even just trans) issues than Hoyer has been.

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day!

I offer this wish, not only to those of you who are male parents in the traditional sense, but also to any of you who have taught your child, or any young person, an important life lesson or skill.

And I offer it especially to all of you trans women who helped to raise children while you were still living as men.  You also were husbands (or partners) to the biological or adoptive mothers of your children.  I commend you for all of the strength you have in holding yourselves, your marriages and your families together.  Now I hope that you can enjoy loving, supportive relationships with the people you married and the ones you helped to bring into this world.

If you no longer have relationships with those people, I hope you will find others that will give you and share the love you deserve.  

Happy Father's Day to all!