50 Years After Malcolm X

On this date fifty years ago, Malcolm X was assassinated in the Audubon Ballroom.  Today the site of the Audubon, in the Washington Heights neighborhood of Upper Manhattan, is a laboratory for Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center.  I have ridden by it many times and, in fact, once went inside the Ballroom.  Every time I passed or visited the site I thought, however briefly, about his importance, not only to the history of the US and the world, but in my own life.

I first read Malcolm’s autobiography when I was about twenty.  It was around the same time I discovered African-American writers like Ralph Ellison, James Baldwin, Richard Wright and Zora Neale Hurston—and when I first heard Bob Marley.  In one way or another, they all not only expressed the burning desire to be free, but also made oppression—which is to say, the things that turn people into slaves of all kinds—clear and vivid.

I identified with their wishes and feelings for, as it turned out, reasons very different from theirs.  How could mine not be different?  After all, as difficult as my grandparents’ lives were, nobody brought them here in chains.  Even more to the point, I knew who my grandparents and their grandparents were, even though I had never met the latter.  So, even though I knew that so much of what I learned in school was a whitewashed (Yes, I am conscious of that word choice!) version of the truth, I wasn’t—couldn’t be—conscious of it in the profound way that Malcolm and all of those black writers and artists were. 

So, in my own clumsy way, I reacted to the injustices that persisted long after Malcolm’s murder and the deaths of the others I’ve mentioned though their polemics, rhetoric, rhythms, intuition and sense of irony.  What I did not understand was that they could use those tools or gifts or whatever you want to call them because they mastered them in ways that exact terrible, terrible costs.  (Baldwin has written that any people who has a language of their own has paid dearly for it.) What I could not understand was that I was paying my own dues, as it were, but I did not yet understand what I was paying for.  So I borrowed anger, grief, pain and a very dark kind of humor in my own feeble attempts to come to terms with why I could not live the kind of life for which I was being trained—or why anyone should want that kind of life.

So why am I mentioning such things on this blog?  Well, for one thing, being a cyclist has freed me from a lot of things.  I think of all of the time and money I didn’t have to spend on buying, fueling, maintaining and parking cars.  That is part of the reason why I have been able to live in New York and spend time with things I love:  I didn’t have to work in some job or in some business that would have destroyed my psyche or other people’s lives.  Being a cyclist when it wasn’t fashionable also, I think, has made me less vulnerable to propaganda and groupthink, if it hasn’t made me a better critical thinker or more creative person (though I think it’s done the latter for me).  

Of course, for me, freedom has meant living as the person I am.  Anyone who cannot live with integrity and with dignity is a slave or a prisoner or worse.  One way I identify with Malcolm is that it took him as long as he did to truly come into his own, even if he accomplished a lot else before doing so.  His descent into slavery, as it were, came when, in spite of his academic success and oratorical skills, his eighth-grade teacher mocked his dream of being a lawyer. When he, as an inmate in the Charlestown (MA) Penitentiary, became a disciple of Elijah Muhammad, he found a voice.  However, it took him much longer, I think, to find his voice.

Our voice, if you will, is how we express our authentic selves in the world.  For some, it is in their careers or vocations.  For others, it is in creative work or performing:  I think of Jimi Hendrix’s guitar as his voice.  Others express it through a passion or relationship.  Actually, I think that for most of us, our “voice” is a combination of the things we do and are.  Whatever it is, if it isn’t authentic, we’re still slaves or prisoners.  For me, that is the real importance of Malcolm X’s life and work.

Love Is Love Is Love

Sometimes I have to explain, even to  people who are or consider themselves to be accepting of LGBT people, that gender identity and sexual orientation are two different things.  In fact, just a few days ago, someone asked, "Why did you become a woman if you're attracted to them?"

The fact of the matter is, I can be attracted to any gender, really.  I have been attracted to males and females, sometimes both at the same time. And I have been attracted to people who don't fit traditional notions of gender expression, such as "butch" lesbians and even very masculine straight women.

Anyway, I haven't been looking for anybody, but if someone captures my heart, I don't really care what gender that person might be, though I have a feeling she will be a very different sort of woman--or, perhaps, a trans man.

Whoever he or she is, as long as the relationship we have is love, I'll be happy, I think.

From Rebloggy

Riding Again At Sunset

I'm so happy to be back on my bike again.  Late the other day, I took a ride that wasn't a commute for the first time in weeks.  I was going to meet some people for dinner in the Village, which meant I would have to lock my bike on the street.  And I knew that there was still a lot of ice and sand on the streets. So I took my LeTour, as its tires are the closest things to snow and ice treads I have.

It wasn't a long ride, but enough to stimulate my senses.  I got this glimpse of dusk on the Hudson River near Christopher Street in Manhattan.

And this--with the relatively rare sight of ice on the Hudson--just north of 14th Street:

I did what I could with my primitive cell phone. But I think I captured something of what the light, if not the cold air, felt like!  If nothing else, they're whetting my appetite for more riding.

Seeing With Bette Davis Eyes

Bette Davis got it right:

Stonewall To Campaign For Transgender Rights

Well, I guess I shouldn't be too hard on the Human Rights Campaign.  Turns out, they're not the only gay-headed organization that's been throwing trans people under the bus.  Nor are they the first to do so:  Jim Fouratt and his cohort seemed to take the first possible opportunity to kick Sylvia Rivera out of the Gay Liberation Front, which she helped them found in the days after the Stonewall Rebellion.  

Nor, for that matter, is the US the only country in which leaders of gay and lesbian organizations have ignored, or even openly disdained, transgender people.  Ironically, a British organization called Stonewall--yes, after that Stonewall---has excluded trans people since its founding in 1989. Now Ruth Hunt, its chief executive, has announced that the organization will change its policies and start campaigning for transgender rights.

To be fair, Stonewall--an organization devoted to charity and education--has always billed itself as an LGB organization.  Unlike HRC and other organizations in the US, it didn't hypocritically append a "T" to the other letters of the community it purported to serve.  In other words, it neither solicited from, nor claimed to represent, transgender people.  And, I might add, Stonewall wasn't a single-issue (i.e., same-sex marriage) organization that the HRC, in effect, became.

On another note:  Wouldn't Jim Fouratt and Janice Raymond make a lovely couple?

Bri Golec: Murdered By Her Father, Misidentified By Him And Local News Media

People have told me that I'm a good storyteller. Whatever may narrative skills may be, I don't think they account for the tears some people shed when I told them about some of the young people who participated in a group I co-facilitated for two years.

They were young trans people, most in their teens but a few in their early 20's.  Some had begun to take hormones; others had literally just gotten off buses or vehicles on which they hitched (or performed acts no one should have to do to get) from Alabama and Nebraska and other places I can scarcely even imagine.

Some had been kicked out of their homes when they "came out" or simply were caught wearing clothes or engaging in behaviors not considered appropriate for someone of their birth gender.

And they were the lucky ones.  Others were assualted, raped or otherwise endangered by family members. One literally ran out the door steps ahead of a mother who chased him (a trans male) with a knife.

That is why stories like that of Bri Golec enrage, but do not surprise, me. The 22-year-old was stabbed to death in Ohio by her father, who told investigators that his "son" belonged to a cult and that members invaded his home and attacked.

But Kevin Golec wasn't the only one who misidentified the gender of his child.  So did every local media outlet, according to the Pittsburgh Lesbian Correspondents blog.

Murdered Trans Women Of Color Remembered On Valentine's Day

Depending on which sources you trust, a transgender person is anywhere from 10 to 116 times as likely to be murdered as a typical person in the US.

I don't know how likely the 116 figure is.  But I would bet that 10 times is a low number, given that crimes against transgender people are disproportionately unreported.

As if those numbers aren't bad enough, a trans woman of color is (again, depending on who you believe) anywhere from twice to twelve times as likely to be murdered as any other trans person.

One reason for the risks trans women of color face is that, in addition to bearing the double stigma of falling outside accepted gender norms and being of the "wrong" race, they disproportionately live in high-crime areas such as impoverished urban neighborhoods and parts of the South where there is easy access to guns.

Parts of cities like St. Louis and New Orleans happen to fit into both categories.  So it's unsurprising (though still tragic) that Penny Proud, a black transgender woman, was found shot to death early Tuesday morning in the Treme neighborhood of New Orleans.

Thus, it's heartening to see that yesterday, Valentine's Day, a group of people gathered in the Central West End of St. Louis to honor transgender women of color and denounce the violence against them.

Even with greater public acceptance of transgender people, the violence against us continues and, for trans women of color, seems to be escalating.  In 2014, thirteen transgenders were murdered in the US.  In the first six weeks of 2015, five transgender women of color have already been killed in this country.

Some might argue that the numbers are higher because more crimes are being reported, or because more of the victims are identified as transgender and not solely by their assigned-at-birth gender, as has been the tradition.  Even if that is the case, though, we are being disproportionately attacked and killed, and it's even worse for trans women of color.

All Hearts Day Cards

For some of us, today, Valentine's Day, can be as depressing as other holidays that are centered around heterosexual love and family relationships.  In some ways, this day can be even worse than Christmas and Thanksgiving are because almost all of its trappings are based on cis- and hetero-normative (I promise not to use that term again for a long time) rituals and behaviors.  And the same sorts of people who accuse us of wanting special treatment make a point of being as obnoxious as possible when fondling each other in places that charge too much for oysters and champagne.

Plus, this "holiday" is even more commercialized than the others.  I take that back:  The others were hijacked by corporations to make people feel guilty for not buying their useless, overpriced shit and giving it to people they pretend to care about.  Even so, most people have some vague notion of what those holidays are supposed to celebrate.  On the other hand, Valentine's Day as we know it, is entirely a creation of the greeting-card, candy, lingerie and other industries, almost nobody realizes that this day was originally a feast day for St. Valentine, who has almost nothing to do with the notions of "love" fetishized on this day

To counter this, artist Alexandra Dean Grossi has created a set of free e-cards celebrating "All Hearts Day":

 


 








 

Hormone Treatments Approved For Chelsea Manning

You've probably heard the old joke:  An example of an oxymoron is
"military intelligence".

Or this:  "There are three ways to do anything:  the right way, the wrong way and the Army way."

They have been told so often, and for so long, by veterans as well as currently-serving members of the Armed Forces because, well, there's at least a germ of truth in them.  So, when some high-ranking officer acts with common sense and courage, it shocks even the most jaded folks who wear, or have ever worn, the uniform.

That is what Col. Erica Nelson did in writing a memo last week. She's the commandant of the Fort Leavenworth Disciplinary Barracks in Kansas.

Knowing that, you might have figured out the purpose and subject of her memo.  Leavenworth's most famous inmate at the moment is none other than Chelsea, nee Bradley, Manning.  And, yes, she did what we (or at least I) have hoped she would do:  She approved Manning for hormone treatments.

She is serving a 35-year sentence for leaking classified documents to WikiLeaks.  After her sentencing, she announced her intention to live as female under the name Chelsea.  She later sued for hormone treatments; the American Civil Liberties Union, which has been representing her, argued that she is entitled to them as part of the Army's obligation to provide medical care.  Since the Army, like all of the other branches of the Armed Forces, does not allow transgender people to serve, it does not provide hormone treatments.  And since Manning is still a soldier, the Army argued, she is not entitled to it, although the Veteran's administration provides such treatments to veterans who begin their transitions after leaving the military. 

It will be interesting to see whether Col. Nelson's action will be part of a larger change in the military, especially since Air Force Secretary Deborah Lee James said, in December, that the ban on transgender troops is likely to be assessed and should be lifted.

Perhaps there is military intelligence after all!
 

A Paralell Universe?

From Diana, I learned that Roman Catholic Bishop Christopher Coyne of the Burlington (VT) diocese has affirming words for transgender people.  However, he sees same-sex relationships as "not matching up" to what the Catholic Church calls its members to "strive for".

A part of me is cheering:  Too often, trans people are “thrown under the bus”.  Too often, the throwers are gay men and, somewhat less often, lesbians and bisexuals.  Worse yet, groups that call themselves LGBT organizations and take our money (which, for trans people, is harder to come by than it is for anyone else) have sold us out by devoting all of their resources toward the singular goal of legalizing same-sex marriage. 

And, of course, many people who aren’t part of our alphabet soup are perfectly willing to welcome the first three letters into their fold but toss out T’s.  Some have positions of power and influence; others are examples for their children, students and others in their lives. 

Whether transphobia comes from gay, straight, bisexual or any other kind of people or organizations, the result is the same:  It divides trans people from lesbians, gays, bisexuals and others who don’t fit societal norms of gender and sexuality.  And, of course, it divides others in the spectrum.  The result is that when one has any sort of victory, the others believe (sometimes correctly) that it has come at their expense.  Such a perception, of course, makes all members of oppressed groups easy prey for further exploitation.

Really, all of this isn’t so different from the way plutocrats have created and exploited tensions between races and ethnic groups.  So, for example, many Italian immigrants of my grandparents’ generation detested Irish-Americans, most of whom preceded them by a decade or a generation in America.  And many African-Americans believe that Jews have done more than anyone else to oppress them.  Of course, the truly rich and powerful, who have exploited everyone I’ve mentioned, and just about everyone else, are, as the saying goes, “laughing all the way to the bank”.

My point is that if we, as trans people, should be glad that someone who could have “thrown us under the bus” chose not to do so, and should not rejoice or even breathe a sigh of relief that he chose to toss other groups of people—especially those who have been the objects of hate and violence similar to what we’ve experienced—instead.

"Coming Out" Opens The Door To Better Health

I often wish that I could have "come out" as trans earlier in my life--say, in my adolescence or even early adulthood.  I think of the years I "missed", being unable to live as the person I am.  And I always suspected that I would have had an easier time of living as a woman--especially in my early years in my true gender--had I started sooner.

Of course, there are many reasons why I didn't.  For one thing, I didn't think I was anything like Christine Jorgensen or Renee Richards, the only transsexual women I heard about when I was growing up.  I didn't understand that there were all sorts of ways of being a transsexual woman, let alone a woman, period.  Also, even though I have had relations with males, I always knew that my primary attraction is to women.  According to the conventional wisdom of the time, a "true" trans woman was attracted--and, for that matter, attractive--only to men.

Plus, there was a great deal more overt hostility toward people who didn't fit the prevailing notions of gender and sexuality.  The only reason why I wasn't bullied or harassed even more than I had been was that I was involved in sports and kept up a masculine facade.

One of the results of being in the closet was that I drank heavily and dabbled in drugs in my early adult life.  I also had difficulty forming and keeping relationships--a problem I still have now.

I don't think anything I've just said would surprise Stephen Russell.  He's an expert on adolescent mental health at the University of Arizona at Tuscon.  The American Journal of Orthopsychiatry has just published a study, of which Russell is the lead author, indicating that LGBT adolescents who are open about their sexuality and gender identity have higher self-esteem and suffer from less depression as adults. 

As almost everyone knows, depression can lead to other mental as well as physical health problems, including substance abuse, not to mention suicide attempts.  So, I think it's fair to say that anyone who "comes out" as a teenager is likely to be more healthy in general as an adult.

I Will Be There In Spirit...Really

I know I haven't mentioned "two-spirited" people much on this blog.  I have avoided that because although I wouldn't necessarily identify as one, I feel that I can identify with them.

In other words, I feel that I am related, in some way, to them because I do not fit into American culture's dominant ideas about gender and sexuality.  I was born with a male body and female spirit.  That spirit needs to live fully, which is the reason why I transitioned from life as Nick to living as Justine.

And, yes, I am masculine in some ways. Some of that has to do with the body into which I was born; some of it is a matter of education and acculturation.  But, in spirit, I see myself as female.

Perhaps my conception of myself is congruent with how two-spirited people see themselves and are seen by their communities.  Even if that were the case, though, I would be reluctant to identify myself as two-spirited simply because the concept of it has a cultural context.  And I am completely outside of it, just as I am not part of the South Asian cultures in which hijras live.

Still, I have great respect and empathy for the two-spirited people and know there's much I can learn from them.  That is the reason why I am happy they are having a pow-wow that's open to the public this Saturday in San Francisico's Cow Palace.

 

Speaking Out Against Domestic Abuse

I don't watch awards shows.  Well, all right, I don't watch TV these days.  But even when I was tied to the tube, I didn't pay attention to the Grammys, Oscars or any of the others.

So I missed Obama's anti- domestic abuse message at last night's Grammys, or the speech by Brooke Axtell that followed.  But someone passed them on to me:

Taja DeJesus Murdered In SF: If We're Not Safe There, Where Are We?

A Jewish man whose parents survived the Holocaust once told me that the only time he ever felt safe was when he was in Israel.

I mention that, not to take a side in the conflicts that tear that part of the world, but to relate something I thought about as I heard some more terrible news.

Taja DeJesus was raised in San Jose but moved to San Francisco because of the greater acceptance of transgender people found in the City By The Bay.  Some in our community think of it as our Israel, if you will.

She was found with stab wounds on McKinnon Avenue in the city's Bayview district around 9 last Sunday morning.  Authorities are not calling her murder a hate crime.  According to anonymous sources, the suspect was found dead, an apparent suicide, behind a warehouse not far from where De Jesus's body was found.

Even in a city with a reputation like San Francisco's, there are areas--Bayview being one of them--where trans people aren't accepted or that are simply dangerous.  Lord knows we have such places here in NYC.  Even the "gayborhoods" aren't always safe for trans people.  Actually, they can be even more dangerous because thugs come from other parts, and outside, of the city, specifically to get their thrills from bashing actual or perceived LGBT people.

Perhaps we need a place an Israel:  You know, a place where we can go and be accepted for who we are--or at least be reasonably sure that we won't experience bigotry or bullying, or get killed, just for being who we are. 

 

Denying Access--To Whom? For What Purpose?

Let's see...The most common crimes in Florida are drug offenses, theft, assault, driving under the influence and aggravated assault.

And HB583 will address those crimes....how? 

Frank Artiles, a Republican (surprise, surprise) member of the Florida House of Representatives and self-described Christian (more suprise) has introduced the bill on Wednesday.  A committee assignment is pending.

If the bill becomes law, people would be required to use bathrooms and other public facilities designated according to the gender they were assigned at birth.  A person caught using the "wrong" facilities would face charges.

Artiles claims his bill is a "public safety measure".  He added--here's something Bartlett should include--"I truly believe your anatomy dictates where you should go to the bathroom".

Hmm...Now I'm confused. Perhaps you could clarify, Mr. Artiles.  The "M" box was checked on my birth certificate.  But now I have a vagina and clitoris.  And I've grown a pair, such as they are.  So, my anatomy says...

Oh, here's another complicating factor:  My birth certificate now says that I'm female.  It was changed, after my surgery, to reflect my gender and new name.  In what Godless liberal hellhole was that allowed to happen?  

Well, I'll give you a hint:  It's north of Florida.  No surprise there, right?  It is such a bastion of European-style libertinism and fiscal irresposibility that it named one of its major university cities Athens and another fairly large city is called Rome.  

It sounds like a terrible place, doesn't it, to an upright Christian man like you.  I'm sure you don't want to do business there or expose your family to its terrors.  I'm sure that a man with your virtue, erudition and wisdom can guess what that place is.

New York, where I live?  Nope.  Massachusetts?  Try again.  OK, I'll tell you:  the State of Georgia, where I was born.  Somehow the folks in the Peachtree State's Department of Vital Records had no problem realizing that I am, in fact, female.

So, Mr. Artiles, perhaps you could tell us how your proposed law will be enforced.  Will we have to present our birth certificates to enter public facilities?  Will there be security cameras that can see through clothing, like the ones airports have?  

Acrually, Mr. Legislator, I hope that you aren't thinking about those cameras.  After all, you aren't a good Christian man?  Then why would you want to see me in all of my nakedness?

Mr. Artiles, perhaps you should reconsider HR583.  Perhaps you can explain to us just how it will protect your wife, your mother, your daughters and all other female residents of the Sunshine State--including my mother--from attack by sexual predators?  And, when I go out to have lunch with Mom, do you think I'm going to the restaurant's facilities to peep under the dresses of retirees or molest their granddaughters?  Do you really believe I'm even capable of the latter?

Mr. Artiles, perhaps you can clarify.