16 July 2011

Looking In Balance

Before I went out for a bike ride, I went to a couple of stores in my neighborhood.  In one of them, I bumped into someone I hadn't seen in at least a year and a half.  I can say that with certainty because it's been about that long since I moved, and I last saw her before then.  She was one of my neighbors.

Then, I was almost home when I bumped into someone else I hadn't seen in about the same amount of time.  I was happy to see her, as I was to see the former neighbor. They are both nice and generous people.  The old neighbor is retired, and the other woman is not far from it.  

Both of them told me I looked really good.  Both of them emphasized "really."  I'll concede that I've lost a few pounds and I have a bit more color than I did a couple of months ago. What I found interesting about both of those encounters is that they seemed admiring, but not fawning.  They talked in that "Girl, you're doing something right!" tone.  

Perhaps I was exuding something I've felt lately.  I still need to lose more weight, but I actually feel a good energy.   I know I'll never have the flat-out strength, or overall conditioning, I once had.  Part of the reason is my age, and part of it has to do with having taken hormones.  But, even though I know that I could be in even better shape, and that will take time and work, I feel something I never felt in all of those years that I was riding  15,000 miles a year and lifting weights:  balance.  That, ironically enough, may have to do with the hormones--and the surgery.

Even more important, I feel that I can only do what I want and need to do for my own reasons.  Other people may not understand those reasons.  I'm not sure that either of those women I saw today can understand.  However, I'm not even sure that they feel the need to understand.  They  know simply that I needed to undergo my transition and that, in some way, I will probably always need to ride my bike. Or, at least, I can't imagine life without either of those things.  Perhaps they understand that.

Doing what you need to do, for your own reasons:  That, it seems, is one of the steps toward becoming a self-actualized human being.  People tend to look good doing that.