08 June 2010

Today I had a really nice lunch with Bruce.  I think I still had a bit of an endorphin rush after yesterday's ride.  And the kind of weather we had today doesn't dampen spirits:  It was windy and rather cool for this time of year, but the sky was so full of sun that even the puffy but scattered clouds seemed like bundles of light.

Maybe that's why I brought my camera with me and asked him to take some photos.  It was such a pretty day:  I felt as if its light could make me look good, or at least not too scary.  For the past few months, I've told myself that I need to lose weight and get botox and that all sorts of other things must happen before I could have any photos taken of me.  I think I got spooked after someone at the college took a photo of me on a day when I was tired, wasn't wearing any makeup (By the way, I'm not wearing any, save for eyeshadow and lipstick, in any of the photos I've posted.)  and was generally feeling ragged.  And he posted that photo onto the college's website.  From there, it ended up in Google images, so that for a time it was the first image anyone saw of me if he or she Googled my name.

Pre-transition, I used to hate being photographed.  I hated it so much that someone had to wrestle a camera out of my hand after I grabbed it from someone who used it to take a photo of me.  Had I not been wrestled, I would have smashed that camera.

Early in my transition, I allowed myself to be photogrape

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